Re: depression mindset

I think it's a good thing that you tried going to the psych programs that you went to, but I'm sorry to hear about the reaction you got when you talked about Lucifer. I don't hear anything that identifies itself as Lucifer, but I would say that I seem to be on the receiving end of some messages from a spiritual presence that seems to be less than benevolent. The spiritual presence usually feeds me things that are mean and deceptive, but every now and then it will tell me something that seems to be kind or helpful to me in some way. At first, I thought that this spiritual presence was God because it seemed to be telling me that I was "forgiven" (for my sins, apparently), but then it started to tell me some things that were obviously untrue and to reinforce some of the delusions that I was having at the time. Now, some are probably thinking right now that my belief in spiritual presences and the fact that I'm hearing from them are delusions in themselves, and while everyone is entitled to their opinions, I do believe that there is an intelligence behind the messages that seem to come from the spiritual presence that I mentioned and that my brain is not powerful enough to conjure up the things that have been conjured up all by itself. So, what is this spiritual presence? Is it Lucifer? At times, I think that it is. I don't think that God would deceive, so I tend to think that the presence that makes itself known to me isn't God. I still like to say that I don't really know what the spiritual presence that I can sometimes see and hear actually is and whether it is truly good or evil, but given what I've said about its messages usually being mean and deceptive, I tend to lean toward it being evil.

My ability to perceive this spiritual presence (and to otherwise experience psychotic symptoms) came on very abruptly, very shortly after I took aminoguanidine. I never *ever* had a hallucination of any sort before that. But somehow, I think that the spiritual presence that I can now perceive has always been around and that there's just something going on in my brain now that allows me to perceive it. If I were to venture a guess, I would say that most people can't perceive the spiritual presence that I perceive. Many would say that for this reason, the spiritual presence that I mention doesn't exist. But I tend to believe that it does exist and that it probably influences everybody to an extent, even if they're not aware of it. And when I say everybody, I think that includes the people at the psych program that you went to who somehow think that they're unaffected by the spiritual presences that you, me, and others can perceive. I really don't think that you're inherently any worse of a person than those at the psych program who told you to write scripture against Satan. In the readings that I've done on spirituality, some of what I've read suggests that demons tend to attack those whom they perceive to be a threat, possibly to keep them away from God and away from doing good things. Maybe that's what this presence that identifies itself as Lucifer is doing to you.

I think that you have the right idea in saying that you ought to get out of your inhibited state, get disinhibited, and get things done. Things like going to the psych program that you went to are good steps to take, in my opinion, if you want to stay on a road to wellness. I don't think that going to psych programs is the only thing that you need to do to get well, but I do think that they can be helpful. You might want to avoid the particular psych program that you just attended in the future, but my guess is that there are other programs and support groups that you might find to be more helpful and less judging. As the case is with most treatments for psychiatric disorders, there comes a time when you need to realize that certain approaches to getting well aren't working and that different approaches need to be tried. The particular psych program that you attended this weekend may need to be one of the approaches that you need to discard, but I wouldn't let that stop you from moving on to something different that might help you.

Anyway, I found what you wrote to be quite interesting, and even though you may find some of what you write here to be a waste of time, your posts get me thinking, and some of the feedback you get will probably get you thinking too, so I think it's a good thing. I look forward to reading more of what you have to say in your future posts. Take care, be well, and sorry about the length of this message.

Dx: schizoaffective disorder

Treatments: Abilify, 7 supplements, & counseling

tomatheus.blogspot.com

Re: depression mindset

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