Posted by bleauberry on April 13, 2012, at 7:18:32
In reply to This is the letter to my doctor, read it., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on April 9, 2012, at 18:35:01
I totally understand the need to communicate and relate. I see some issues with this writing however.
1. It reads badly....lack of paragraphs, sentences that run together, misspellings. A more readable format automatically increases the power of your message. Make it easy for the reader and they will read it with interest....make it hard for the reader...as it is now...and they will likely just skim over parts of it and not really absorb much of it.
2. After reading it, I have no idea what it was about. Was there something you wanted? Trying to make a point? Are you asking for something? At the beginning I don't know what it is you are trying to write about, and at the end I still don't know. The whole thing sends me this message, "this person is feeling depressed, crappy, and frustrated" but I don't know what the desired result of the letter is. Whatever your overall theme or message or question is, get it into one sentence and have that start the letter and then end it also. It should get the reader's attention immediately, pretty much summarize what the entire letter is about, and then the rest of the letter (in paragraphs) details and supports the opening statement.
poster:bleauberry
thread:1015278
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120411/msgs/1015509.html