Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on April 9, 2012, at 18:35:01
I am posting this in all honestly and I have worked on this for hours. Please tell me if there is anything I should change.
Dr. Callagen
I have to tell your the real facts of writing these reports and that I have done this with previous doctors and they discarded them and took nothing into account of my statements when I needed to inform them and eventually discharged me because there where complications they did not know what to do. my previous doctor Dr. XXX was a good doctor but due to my substance abuse, he discharged me and I was left in such distress of what just happened, no one listened and thought I was full of b*llsh*t. I saw a psychiatric doctor in a hospital Dr. Zahora Kahn after and she told me that she told me she did not believe what I was stating to her and told me she knew I had substance abuse history because my mother wrote her a vary long letter before I went in and of course exaggerated the problem into something that it was the main problem, and ignored all others. but she did eventaully took it into account and used Nuerontin for my anxiety at the time, I didnt care at least it was something to relieve this dreadful feeling of anxiety that I thought was never going to leave. I am going to be honest about everything: I have to admit when I see a doctor, I usally speak not the point and speak at a child level and my thoughts are superficial and are scattered and it will become difficult to understand the problem, and will ask doctors about certain medications that I know they will not use. I usally am complient to and usally will do what is asked of me, by my mother and various other people in the past but it leaves me thinking that I have no assertiveness, much time this will cause self-loathing in the long run. But I write intelligent and much better than what I can verbally describe, when I speak I am disorganized and lack enthusiasm at times to even keep a conversation going, and this has caused me to become so depressed thinking that I might as well accept that I can't even think clearly and do things with low motivation and much of the time I will lay in the bed and not want to think about these issues. I go through these periods of slow mental and pyschical functions and I feel mentally impaired and feel I am sometimes on the point of being borderline unintelligent and avoid things that will cause humuliation. I've stated before but many times in the past I would do things that where backwards and nothing with the original instructions or the convesation and people.. I have a fear of being condenmed and avoid all situations that it will happen again. I do things in a vary sluggish manner, vary similar to being in a state of "thick oil" that hinders manuverablity. And its difficult to seperate anxiety and insomnia because they are not the main problem im having currently but I have had extensive problems with anxiety in the past, and had to deal with periods of feeling not real and that I had lost my mind. I've been reading about being healed and I try my best to read extensivly about devine forces and higher beings that can spiritually do some changes, and most of the time I feel that the only hope is the messages that I will come across randomly in spiritual knowlage books that directly state my situation and have revealed that there are other forces at work to change this situation though statements in books, vary mysterious ways that people would not understand. But I must say that this state of depression has been caused by me feeling impaired, and lacking being able to read steadly, and absorbing infomation at such low and sluggish levels. I assure you, that I have revealed all of my substance abuse and motives from my past, but I feel gloom that has taken away my enjoyment of life. I seriously am requesting that you will find a solution or just a relief from this, this is not urgent and please don't be concerned about me because I am not living a life or death situation and I don't want to overly exaggerate this problem of something that its not, but this is the only way that I can indepthly explain this in understandable terms through writing, I cannot verbally explain this well. Thank you.
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:1015278
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120328/msgs/1015278.html