Posted by grapes on December 23, 2011, at 18:13:56
Hello all- thanks in advance for your help.
Lets see if I can sum this up succintly:
-had SAD since I was a kid (so reports my mom)
-I was diagnosed with Depression when I was 18 (freshman year of college)- but I did not feel "sad". I was having trouble concentrating, remembering things (felt like a major IQ drop) and was craving milk at 1am. I went from winning an award for an oral presentation in my japanese 101 class first semester- to not being able to finish a sentence without an "um" second semester- and took a medical withdrawal. (I was at my "last choice school" and dealing with the shame of that....but I was eager to do well to transfer out.) I was told my issue was perfectionism. (I counter that I felt my brain stop working- of COURSE i got depressed?!)
-I have since been in and out of college- part time and full time- not able to successfully finish a semester since (I withdraw before the end of the semester, or take incompletes and never complete them- though the grades on the work I did complete are As/Bs)- and I am now in my late 20s. What started out as depression turned into an anxiety disorder (panic before exams) to social anxiety disorder (didnt want to leave the house, felt like I was being judged by strangers) and borderline OCD (ruminations) all together. Currently socially isolated- reduces pressure of having to seem "normal". I used to be able to fake it- now I get asked if I am "lost" by strangers b/c I look confused/off kilter.
-the week before my period- EVERYTHING gets worse.
At my latest school, I have been told to take 1-2 semesters off before trying again (financial aid cut off) and I haven't yet told my parents- though I did tell them that I want to take off next semester b/c I am feeling really badly. On top of that- no school means no health insurance (am rectifiying that- wont kick in until feb 1)
Med History- (im sorry, i dont remember doses, but I was on each med for at least 4 months)
Zoloft- zombie
Effexor- felt a difference, but was always naseous
Buspar prn- worked to knock me out when anxiety had me not sleeping for days in a row
-Birth control patch (can't remember which one off hand) - increased depression
Paxil- felt nothing, gained 40 pounds
cymbalta- felt a difference, but did not work as well as pristiq- so I went back to pristiq afterward
-Pristiq 50mg- worked really well at first, not as well now but at least my moods are predictable on it.It does SOMETHING, just not enough- and when I tried upping the dose- I get queasy. (I also think i am too apathetic on it- something bad happens, i dont care much)current:
-Weaning off of pristiq in order to "reset" before seeing new doc
-Concerta 18mg daily- keeps me from being in bed all day and lifts my mood a bit- basically like having coffee (used to take it prn during school, almost daily now until i see new doc)I have found a cognitive-behavioral therapist that I like (I had seen him before, but switched to school in house staff) - but any ideas for meds to try to stabilize are most welcome. seems like the effexor/pristiq family have worked the best so far- just not "enough". I also have an appt at a local medical school mood disorder center for an evaluation in March (looong waiting list)
If I had my IQ back I swear I wouldn't be anxious at all.....sigh. I was the typical "bookworm/straight arrow"- planned on medical school- no idea of my future now.
poster:grapes
thread:1005462
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111208/msgs/1005462.html