Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2011, at 1:35:05
In reply to Dinah - Your Questions Awsnered, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 1, 2011, at 23:02:43
> -I see it as she takes care of everything for me and provides support and love but the thing that she is lacking is the understanding that I would benefit from a stimulant and refuses all options relating to it. That's what really makes me not like her and maybe that is another part of being an addict because all the counselors I've seen have told me I've had addict behavior to obtain things I want.
There's a theory that in relationships people can fall into a familiar dance, where they repeat the same movements and steps over and over again. I've found this to be true myself.
I've also found it to be helpful to deliberately choose to make different steps sometimes. This will cause the other person to eventually change their own steps in the dance.
You know that continuing to try to get stimulants from your mother won't be effective. She'll see it as evidence of your addiction. So if it's not an effective step anyway, why not change it? Tell her how much you appreciate her love and support. Say that you recognize that she feels she needs to take care of everything for you, and you'd like to change that. You want to try to be responsible. She may not respond well at first and she may not believe you at first, but if you keep up a positive attitude towards her, you might find that your relationship becomes better. And as you try to make good healthy choices for yourself, and to take more responsibility for your wellbeing, you might find her an ally in your desire to live on your own.
It seems as if the two of you are in a destructive and self perpetuating dance. She feels like she needs to take care of everything for you. You feel like she's trying to control you and lash out. This makes her think you aren't ready to be responsible yourself and that she needs to take care of everything for you.
Instead of not liking her for what she does, maybe it would be good to find a way to learn to like her again.
poster:Dinah
thread:997889
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110925/msgs/998535.html