Posted by morgan miller on February 27, 2011, at 1:41:26
In reply to Re: Ferber » morgan miller, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2011, at 1:02:14
>I think I said that the sort of thing you were describing could happen whether or not a mother is depressed, and is not actually all that uncommon. I don't see any particular reason to single out depressed mothers.
Any mother or father that neglects or is unable to love their child they way they need love, has some kind of issue going on, whether is is depression or not. So yes, depression is one issue that can contribute to a parent's inability to express and offer the totality of the love they have inside to their child. Actually, one could argue that any parent with any kind of emotional issue has some kind of depression lingering inside.
>Obviously this idea is very important to you. Is it part of your therapy? My therapist isn't an attachment therapist. I really can't even comprehend it in the same terms you do. Therefore I'm letting this conversation go.
Your therapist may believe it is counterproductive to focus on the impact parents have on their children's development. They may feel that many people have a very difficult time confronting these truths so a different approach may yield results without the painful proces. I'd be curious to see what your therapist's beliefs are on parent's impact on a child's development.
My therapist believes it is necessary to realize how my parents impacted me and how what they did or did not do is still impacting me. The idea is that if you never face these realities, you can never begin to work through the anger, and other left over emotional injury, in a proper way that will allow you to free yourself of the destructive influence of these elements of your psyche. Most of us, have inner anger. If we don't find a way to get to the bottom of it and deal with it, it will almost certainly be turned against ourselves at some point or another. Or, we will continue to find ways to channel it that are ultimately counterproductive. This is just one reason why my therapist believes in getting me to realize the truth about my past and focus on it, in a productive way of course. If we realize what happened to us, we can then start to let ourselves off the hook and have more empathy and compassion for ourselves. Through this, we can begin the healing process. He definitely does not have a one sides style or philosophy, and it's not just about attachment. He just wants to help you create an environment within yourself in which you can begin to nurture yourself so as to be able to love and respect yourself more like you would have had your parents been able to do for you. The parents primary responsibility is proper love and nurture, we should all be able to agree on that.
Morgan
poster:morgan miller
thread:979678
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110220/msgs/979853.html