Posted by violette on July 27, 2010, at 21:51:50
In reply to Re: sound familiar? » violette, posted by maya3 on July 27, 2010, at 14:34:15
Maya,
That's sad you were thought to have been malingering in some way-it's happened to a couple people I know, one person who I know well. Please don't think that personally reflects on you-it's actually more common in the mental health system than some might think.
I think some Ts who are unqualified or who tend to get over involved with their patients might be hestitant to take a patient who has been a suicide risk in the past. This might be especially true if a therapist lost a patient to suicide, as I'd imagine this happens throughout many Ts careers. Some can't handle this due to their own insecurities or attachment issues, or just being too sensitive/empathetic to handle it.
But maybe if you seek out a T who specializes in childhood traumas, you might find a better fit? Also-it might help to speak to a therapist on the phone for a bit first (unsure if you have done this) that way, you won't be T hopping so much....You might seek a T who does a formal assessment interview to derive their own conclusions rather than your history with or from other Ts? If they ask you about prior Ts, maybe you could say you don't wish to talk about it now, or better yet, state you have simply not found a good match and that is the purpose of seeking a new therapist.
It took me 10 years to find the right therapist. But they are out there. My therapist knew I had several before him, but was not the least bit concerned or interested in talking to them about my history-as he wanted to formulate his own view of my core issues and not be tainted by another's subjectivity. There are therapists who view you as a person, not a diagnosis, or question the diagnoses of past therapists if you choose to disclose them. I don't think the psychosis would be an issue either way.
Some therapists do want patients with the less complex issues, that is true, but others are interested in treating different types of patients for whatever reasons, such as being bored with treating patients with mild depression, for example.
Are the obsessions related to the therapist relationship? If so, there's no reason you need to talk about that upfront. It happens with alot of people I hear, most keep it from their therapists, at least for a while. I think it's important to build trust before self-disclosing too much. I didn't see it that way in the past-but have since read many stories and looked back at a time when I disclosed too much too soon with a new therapist, which ended up unfavorably. The stronger you build the trust and relationship, the easier it becomes to discuss those fears. Try to be patient and work on the trust first.
My T said the only crazy people out there are those who don't think there is anything 'wrong'. You have much insight into your situation, sound very psychologically minded, intelligent, considerate...and considering that, I'd bet you have other strengths too...and it seems you may be a bit hard on yourself, as many of us are, in thinking of the how other Ts have viewed you in the past. Many Ts have issues of their own. If a T is avoidant by nature, it might not work to have a patient who gets attached quickly; a therapist who is more narcissistic might prefer patients who get more easily attached. Whatever the case may be, there are so many variables involved that point to the therapist's own personality pattern rather than yours.
I understand your fears and many of us had adverse experiences with therapists, but there are very humane ones out there who can help you and who would want to help you. As for personality disorders, my guess would the entire population has some of those traits, and my guess is that at least half the mental health population has strong traits or could qualify for a personaity disorder. Instead, people are given other diagnoses. You just happen to be one who was not so lucky as those patients, at least in my view.
I hope you don't judge yourself on the actions of prior therapists, and instead, build up the courage to find one who is competent and able.
Take care,
violette
poster:violette
thread:955138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100720/msgs/956174.html