Posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
When I was severely depressed, I developed a strange sort of coping mechanism. I would watch TV and sort of glean comfort off of TV shows, commercials, graphics, music, etc.. I would yearn for winter and the holidays, snow and christmas lights, chopping wood and making a fire...all sorts of burrowing and nesting behavior. What's more I would appreciate SUV's and want to visit places like North Dakota.
These weird thoughts last only seconds, but they are deeply pleasurable for me. But they are out of place. I go years without feeling these strange sensations which are very obviously some sort of neuro pathways that have been laid down previously. From what I can surmise, they stem from two competing desires that occur in depression: to be alone and to be part of a community.
Over the last month or so, they have been occuring and they are occurring more frequently. What was once a reminder of something from my past has been rolling around in my head to the point of annoyance lately. I can't help but wonder if there is something going on in my brain, and my meds are behaving like aspirin or tylenol. I have always hoped that the meds, especially lithium, would be disease-modifying agents rather than analgesics.
And, I wonder, would these seductive splashes of comfort morph into mania (ie: rolling around in my head uncontrollably) or if they are the entrance to the trail which will eventually lead to my suicide (ie: growing isolation and delusion) OR if I just need to relax (but these feeling are very well-defined and recognizable).
I've never tried to put this phenomenon into words, and I can see I've done a poor job, but I'm wondering if someone else has a word/description?
poster:Dan_MI
thread:955598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100720/msgs/955598.html