Posted by utopizen on October 23, 2008, at 21:49:16
I know what clinical depression is, and always will know the difference, having experienced it. So I know where to benchmark things at.
At night, I feel guilty for not having completed things I put off all day, try to cram it in late at night, creating this vicious cycle of sleeping late after going to sleep at 2, maybe 4 AM, and not having much to show from it anyhow.
Maybe it's depression creep, I don't know... all I know is, I recall in college, this year, sophmore year, I was on Effexor, for a year, and it didn't do much for the social anxiety I was taking it for (I hadn't yet been depressed) but I do recall getting out of bed religiously each morning, at 7 AM, going to sleep same time, too... eating at regular meals (okay, I also was on meal plan, but still)... and just vaguely feeling like I would eventually rule the world.
Now I'm lucky if I wake up at noon, I do basically nothing, the 2 courses I do take, I am behind in, and it's just pathetic.
anyone on Effexor think it's realistic/worth it to bring up with my doc prospect of returning to it for another try? I want to feel like I felt when I was 19. I'm 25 now. I want to get out of a long rut... sort of remnants of a depression I had a few years back.
I want to wake up in the morning, and I want to feel like it's not a chore to do it. And when I near bedtime, I don't want to feel a burdensome dread over my shoulders about the mere prospect of entering bed to sleep.
I don't want to think of it. I use to hop into bed and sleep, because it was midnight, and that's when we slept in the dorms in college. I didn't have precipitating clouds of guilt over something so natural as sleeping.
Anyone on Effexor want to explain whether this is absurd for me to tie the drug to my pep level? I don't feel depressed when I talk to folks, I can feel pleasure still, unlike when I had nasty depression... but maybe it's still... low-grade depression?
poster:utopizen
thread:859032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081016/msgs/859032.html