Posted by yxibow on March 13, 2008, at 5:29:41
In reply to Just realized something about reality., posted by your#1fan on March 13, 2008, at 0:22:23
> I just realized that my world of how im living is an illusion, all i ever thought of myself, its not.....going in reality. I dont live the life i want to live in my head.
This rings very true to me -- one comes to a realization that life doesn't always turn out the way you wanted it to be. Its not an illusion -- one could be simply wanting to be living in a past place, its safer, or when one was more confident, or a dozen possible reasons. But there's the Here and Now, the complete reality out there.
We all have our own little realities, the way we carry out our lives, the things we think about, but there is the practicality of either trying to live a life (like for myself, I still wish I was back in the city I went to for college and none of what I experienced would have happened -- true or not, since there's no time machine that I know of, I have to live in the Here and Now.)
This isn't the hallmark of a psychosis or being psychotic in particular, because I believe you would be having a rather distinctly different conversation. Its wistfullness, depression, and mostly yearning for a life that may go beyond your limitations at the moment. Therapy is excellent, at least in my case -- I may be reading my sense of things into this a bit too, so don't take everything with but a grain of salt -- for such a state. Proactive, goal-oriented approaches that may include a lot of things, boosting self confidence, strength, finding out what is your real definition, what really defines you, beyond an illness, CBT if it applies, etc.
> Im actually now realizing how much of a low-life i have. My mind is now realizing all the years of masks and fakeness that i put up because i thought it was a guard. It's coming down, like the berlin wall.Yes, at the moment I sense a downward spiral, and its okay to mourn and feel this, but not to eventually get so trapped in this sense that one wants to give up on life. I don't know anything about you but I can sense the depression and self-flagellation, there may be many things you want to discuss with a therapist, but just self-diagnosing is counterproductive and can cause more hurt than good. What is the benefit of self-flagellation -- letting tears out and emotion, that's a different thing.
> I just can't Belive this, i have many people inside me, but i dont know which one is real. But i dont have multiple personalites. It just, i dont know, what do you do when you know your reality is fake? what do you do when realizing your whole world is just a mixture of thoughts, and you not connected with people good.You reconnect with people. The best way is to find any source of social contact. Its hard at first to find this -- but through a number of places, NAMI meetings if that pleases you, any hobbies or pastimes and clubs that have meetings and mixers, even religious outlets, not for sake of "healing thyself" or the like, but for the social nature of it -- that is, if one is religious.
And in time, if one is interested in not further isolating oneself, a host of online dating groups depending on your sexual orientation. Its important to identify yourself as who you are (insert name, positive personal qualities) and not as (the mentally ill person with 7 different problems). That doesn't go forward.
> I never have had good relationships that could last, because the amount of people inside myhead are in 100's, i've looked at many images of powerful men, women, and put them in my head. Only to realize that they in my head.I could be wrong, but its the syndrome of "my head is full." And that really is the case -- so many thoughts crammed over time that one has to extract oneself slowly -- too fast and anxiety just implodes.
Its comparison "powerful.." to others, because somewhere inside lies your own power to succeed in doing something positive in life. It requires finding a purpose, something that takes a while. Not the cosmic purpose, but listing your positive strengths and what your knowledge in life stands best and going with that until something else comes along, either through school or work changes, etc.
> And really i just found out, the real me inside....is still a kid. What happened during 2005 i dont know,
It could be the inner resistance -- a protection, unintentional and definitely not malingering. A place to retreat to block out the pain that surrounds oneself now.
> my whole reality is about to break, because i do think im not real, i think im fake. Somebody, that know's anything about this help!
>
> am i going through a realization or a psychosis?I can't be your psychiatrist, because it wouldn't be fair, and as is said take what is said with a grain of sand. However, it doesn't sound like any major psychosis to me -- I believe it sounds like you are just realizing things -- the first steps to actually going forward.
Psychological testing is a real asset if you can afford it and/or your insurance will pay for it. Its something that your therapist can gain insight into -- there's enough built into testing that even if one thinks that filling in the bubbles is just rote, there are multiple redudancies. And usually interviews with interns as well.
> Im sorry i dont know where to put this because people know me pretty good on psychobabble, not the other boards...
> what ever admistrater....point me to a correct board.
It doesn't sound like a psychosis -- and I didn't mean to be a diagnoser, that you absolutely had peter pan complex or not (btw that is a popsych term, not any DSM or psychologist's true diagnosis -- its just a shortened, laymans way of describing it).
It is my hope you can find the care you need to feel like a stronger person; isolation is the surest way as I know from my own life, to retreat.
Best wishes-- Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:817661
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080303/msgs/817687.html