Posted by Fivefires on August 14, 2007, at 18:22:45
In reply to Re: AD Fear - The Missing Link *Trigger* » Fivefires, posted by Larry Hoover on August 14, 2007, at 11:02:48
> Sorry to hear you're in a mess. {{{{{5f}}}}}
>
> Okay, I'm confused.
>
> If this is true...
>
> > In a non-AD (I’m not on an antidepressant.) state like I’m in right now, I can have periodic suici*al ideation, but rationally tell myself I am loved and I love and I want to stay until it’s my time to go and I’m cool.
> >
> > But, when I’m on an AD, and have periodic suicidal ideation (ADs do not cause me to have ideation. Maybe long ago they did. But now, it is a thought I have now and then.) ‘the rational link’ which tells me I am loved and love and I want to stay until it’s my time, is nowhere to be found, I sort of plummet into some 'black hole' and b4 I know it I've acted upon my bad thought.>
>I reworded the above a bit.
>
> ....then this seems to contradict the above....Maybe my rewording helped, but if not, I'll try say it again in another way.
Times when I've been on ADs, the thoughts that keep me from acting upon bad ideation are like 'skipped over' and I go straight into this place where I'm acting upon the thoughts.
The rational thought, 'this is wrong', doesn't follow the ideation as it does when I'm off an AD, like right now. But, I feel quite severely bad at this time.
My T called this a.m. and we talked about this.
She said it's common in borderline and this is the reason for the difficulty of treating BorderlinePD.
She mentioned a small dose of Risperdal.
I was going to maybe post about it and do a little googling. Atyp anti-psychs scare me a bit, but maybe I should try a very small dosage of one.
Am I still contradicting? (Or, maybe I'm not explaining correctly?)
>
> > Anyway, obviously, I’m going to need to choose an AD to get rid of nasty nowhere-getting thoughts.
>
> > But, I am alone and I have to do this. I have no other choice. I’ve got to choose an AD to give me a jump start to move on.
>Re: AD, now, after talking w/ T, think something other than an AD might be best.(?) She got me an appt w/ a Pdoc 2moro a.m.
About being alone, the side effects of an atypical anti-psych (I'm talking about NMS, tardive dyskineasia, and I'm supposing there are more, which can be so dangerous.), if they were to occur, I'd have no one here to maybe point them out to me. I guess I could post about them or call a nurseline. I've heard many sad stories that have frightened me. I do know to watch for fever as an alert of NMS, I believe.
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> I know that feeling well. It's a highly focussed realization of need.
Yeah it really is.>
> > Or, I could go w/ Effexor-XR for the, I think maybe, 5th time.
>
> Tried and true?Not really.
I may have been on it in the past when I have acted upon bad thoughts.
I've been on it about 5x, it always effecting me a little differently, and that spanned many years so there's a good chance I was prob' on it at one of these times.
>
> I hope you feel better, and soon.
>
> Lar((((Thanks))) 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:776102
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070808/msgs/776266.html