Posted by Fivefires on August 13, 2007, at 20:52:29
A week ago today, I ended a thirte*n year lov* relationship. I’ve not changed my clothes since the police came and served him w/ an O*rder of Prote*tion. (Just undies!)
I think I’ve worn a trail in the carpet from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen and back.
Ya’ know the bla*k ho*e? I hope you don’t.
Recently, I’ve begun to think of it as 'the missing link’.
In a non-AD (I’m not on an antidepressant.) state like I’m in right now, I can have periodic suici*al ideation, but rationally tell myself I am loved and I love and I want to stay until it’s my time to go and I’m cool.
But, when I’m on an AD and have periodic suicidal ideation ‘the rational link’ which tells me I am loved and love and I want to stay until it’s my time, is nowhere to be found.
Can anyone relate to this?
I want to get back on my journey, but I’m really having a bad bout here. This is a big hurdle to get around. I don't want the relationship back.
I just don’t know what I want to do. I sort of feel like I don’t give a sh*t, or like just wasting away I think because I'm just tired, and there’s a bit of a I think I'm trapped in this town feeling going on as well.
Anyway, obviously, I’m going to need to choose an AD to get rid of nasty nowhere-getting thoughts. I’m pretty sure my Pdoc will call after this 4th attempt to reach him today.
If I weren’t alone, I’d not be so concerned about 'the missing link' because I’d be w/ someone who loves me and there would be someone to turn to in a crisis.
But, I am alone and I have to do this. I have no other choice. I’ve got to choose an AD to give me a jump start to move on.
I could just slap on an EMSAM and see what the hell happens.
Or, I could go w/ Effexor-XR for the, I think maybe, 5th time.
I’ve tried tricyclics, both SNRIs, all SSRIs except maybe Celexa, anti-psychs, and mood stabs, and I think said already, not sure re: MAOIs, would have been too long ago to remember. No significant relief w/ anything. Had like a 2hr awakening on Zoloft once, just to plummet to greater depths. Prozac causes anxiety. Effexor-XR has prob' been the most effective med I've been on. Cymbalta did the paradox and had increased pain. Maybe I should try an MAOI? Are the dietary restrictions really bad?
Please will some of you just throw out some med names here for me to consider. My docs gonna' ask me which one I want to try.
tks, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:776102
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070808/msgs/776102.html