Posted by jasmineneroli on November 19, 2004, at 16:54:21
In reply to Re: Can my medication be causing this?, posted by tom_traubert on November 19, 2004, at 8:22:12
BRC: Sorry that the thoughts are still in control for you....it really, absolutely stinks something rotten!
I agree with TT 100%. It's so much more likely to be your anxiety, rather than the drugs. As you know, I suffer GAD too, and at my most stressed get really OCD as well.
I hate it, because I feel I MUST solve the problem/issue/whatever. HAVE to take action. I've done some pretty "psychotic" seeming behaviours as a result, but it wasn't psychosis. It's called "perserveration". You just get "stuck" on an idea, belief or plan. Normal brains also act like this, but after thinking it through, the loop stops and something else takes over. Not with GAD/OCD, the loop keeps on going. Your brain is so overloaded with stress chemicals all the time that normal stress responses/thinking don't apply anymore. You're pre-frontal cortex shuts down (to varying degrees) and your "reptilian" brain is the default brain running the show. So you can't use logic, you can't think laterally, you can't solve problems, your short term memory is impaired, and only long term memory works (hence your ruminations on the past). You can only react, for safety.
I used to feel like "I had to get away" all the time, when I was in a phase like you are. Just get in my car and drive endlessly. Or go to sleep and never wake up. Overwhelmed. Intense feelings to do this, which are not exactly true suicidal ideations, but near to it. But then, I was Ms Conscientious to the max, as well. HAD to do the right thing, had to be ME doing it. So couldn't actually go away and leave my responsibilities. And so it went on.
I'm afraid to say these episodes seemed to have to "burn-out", where I just sort of broke-down out of sheer brain/emotional exhaustion. :(. (I know that's neither encouraging, nor helpful). But for me, I kinda went spinning on the carousel faster and faster, until I fell off. Then, I was able to respond better to my meds (Klonopin in particular), rest, and a complete removal of responsibilities for a week or two.
I didn't need hospitalization or anything. Just crashed, so that everyone around me knew I couldn't do anything for a while. Kinda like going into a coma, to preserve my sanity really. That's MY brain's safety valve. I have no idea why this pattern happens, or why that "crash" always works. It's as though the only way I can let go of the thoughts/pressure, is to bail. It's how I relinquish the anxiety hold. I don't seem to be able to "manually, let go".Then my meds all of a sudden work better, I return to "normal" GAD functioning, and as long as I don't overload myself with projects, things that only "I" can do, solve the whole world's problems and not worry about people excessively, I function pretty well. I'm feeling quite good right now by taking 2000mg Tryptophan and .5mg to .75mg Klonopin daily, and have "forced" myself to lower my expectations of what I can accomplish and be less of a control freak!
Sorry, I don't think I've helped at all here. Just know that I empathize, try reading the book TT suggests. I'm going to. A key is to probably find medications that work in your "tolerable" phase of GAD/OCD, so that you never get to where you're at now.
GOOD LUCK & take care!
Jas
poster:jasmineneroli
thread:417230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041118/msgs/418004.html