Posted by jujube on November 1, 2004, at 17:17:58
In reply to unbelievably messed up, posted by linkadge on November 1, 2004, at 14:22:29
Don't give up. Right now you are living fear and maybe experiencing some guilt and shame. You have to continue to believe that there is something, or a combo of things, that will help you be your old self again. And, please stop beating yourself up over this setback. That is, no doubt, compounding your fear and depression. You are young yet, and school, your studies and academic accomplishments will be waiting for you when you are well. There is no set timeline for any individual to succeed. Putting pressure on yourself to accomplish certain goals can be detrimental and worsen your condition. Be kind and patient with yourself. Maybe your life plan is going to take a detour for a period of time (hopefully brief), but you will accomplish your goals. You seem to be a smart, articulate individual, who has obviously accomplished much already.
Perhaps you can talk to your doctor about some kind of treatment program that would provide you with medical supervision and therapy for a longer period than a hospital stay. I would think there are in-treatment programs for people trying to overcome depression and anxiety, etc. It may be worth looking into. You could then be submersed in treatment instead of one visit a month with a pdoc.
I wish you kinder, gentler times in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Take care things will get better.
Tamara
> I am taking celexa, epival, and lithium. I am still depressed, and my mood jumps from extreme fear to extreme irritability.
>
> I am so hopeless. The hospital let me go, my pdoc says he doesn't want to see me for a month, to let the meds work, and I still feel so low.
>
> I am so brain dammaged from all these meds, there is not a chance in the world that I will finish my education. I've given up on succeeding, I'm just now trying to fail as slowly as possible.
>
> I spend hours just sitting there in this state of irritability/anger at god etc. Not wanting to move because there nobody to blame the anger on, yet no way to get rid of it.
>
> My whole body starts to twich and convulse periodically and I have a headache that never leaves. I also feel like somebody is pushing me from behind.
>
> I have heart palpatitions, and can't stop shivering.
>
> Nobody really cares. They hear that you say you're find one day, and they think you're fine forever.
>
> I spend half the day wanting to kill myself, and the other half of the day fearing burning in hell for doing so.
>
> There's no way out and time is not making it any easier. The more antidepressant I take the more agitated I become. The docotors don't seem to understand this.
>
> I don't know who I am anymore.
>
> I don't think I have ever been more messed up or more hopeless in all my life.
>
> If I was to kill myself, it would not be an attempt, I would make that for sure
>
>
>
> Linkadge
>
>
poster:jujube
thread:410137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041029/msgs/410242.html