Posted by linkadge on November 1, 2004, at 14:22:29
I am taking celexa, epival, and lithium. I am still depressed, and my mood jumps from extreme fear to extreme irritability.
I am so hopeless. The hospital let me go, my pdoc says he doesn't want to see me for a month, to let the meds work, and I still feel so low.
I am so brain dammaged from all these meds, there is not a chance in the world that I will finish my education. I've given up on succeeding, I'm just now trying to fail as slowly as possible.
I spend hours just sitting there in this state of irritability/anger at god etc. Not wanting to move because there nobody to blame the anger on, yet no way to get rid of it.
My whole body starts to twich and convulse periodically and I have a headache that never leaves. I also feel like somebody is pushing me from behind.
I have heart palpatitions, and can't stop shivering.
Nobody really cares. They hear that you say you're find one day, and they think you're fine forever.
I spend half the day wanting to kill myself, and the other half of the day fearing burning in hell for doing so.
There's no way out and time is not making it any easier. The more antidepressant I take the more agitated I become. The docotors don't seem to understand this.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't think I have ever been more messed up or more hopeless in all my life.
If I was to kill myself, it would not be an attempt, I would make that for sure
Linkadge
poster:linkadge
thread:410137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041029/msgs/410137.html