Posted by Caper on June 4, 2004, at 13:38:49
In reply to Re: Today my sister told me ... » Caper, posted by Angel Girl on June 4, 2004, at 9:38:37
Hi Angel Girl,
Seems we have some things in common. My depression started very early too (age 7, I'm 31 now) and I have also been diagnosed with Bipolar II. Some docs add on the "rapid cycling" thing and some don't. I should also add that about 17 months ago I started "self-medicating" with alcohol and am now a full-fledged certified alcoholic. Please, please don't let this ever happen to you! I read a statistic that about 60% of bipolars end up addicted to something so please be careful. The mood disorder alone is bad enought but when you add addiction things get downright horrible! None of the meds work right when you're drinking a depressing substance every few hours.
Sorry for the rant but I just wish I could warn everyone in the world- no matter how old or young you are, addiction can get you and you won't see it coming.
As far as therapists go, my advice is shop around as much as you can. Give each one at least a few sessions, but don't let yourself be put down. I also think though, that one of the worst things a therapist can do is to be _too_ nice to a depressed person- they have to be able to prod you a little and make you talk about things you'd rather not sometimes. Otherwise I felt like I was being given permission to wallow in my sorrows..this is just my opinion, of course.
I think a good therapist combines empathy with the ability to call you on it when you're not trying hard enough. With both of my really good therapists there have been times I've been absolutely ENRAGED by some things they said, but later realized I had that emotional reaction because what they said was true! Definitely don't go to a therapist who belittles you or makes you feel put down, but be aware that you won't always hear what you want to hear. If you get angry and storm out (as I did several times) the therapists have seen it before and will not hold a grudge.
One of my favorite expressions from my numerous hospitalizations is "Feelings are not good or bad, feelings just ARE." Remember that and try not to beat yourself up, okay?
On that note, have you ever considered a brief in-patient hospitalization? If your insurance can cover it, a good small private hospital can do a world of good. The group therapy in a good hospital can be amazing! I swear I've learned more from other patients than from the doctors and staff there.
I hope you keep posting if you have anything you want to get off your chest. Best of luck to you!
Caper
> Hi Caper
>
> I've been on and off depressed since I've been 17 and I'm 50 now, gasp!!!! I've had a rough life and really came ungluded in the summer of 2001. I didn't seek any professional help until Oct 2001, at which point I was told I had severe depression and put on Effexor XR. After starting therapy, my therapist thought I had BPD and sent me for an evaluation but I was then diagnosed with BPII, that was the summer of 2002. I was rapid cycling several times a day and I couldn't handle it. I then starting seeing a different pdoc and was put on mood stabilizers with my Effexor XR. Once up to the appropriate level of the mood stabilizer, my rapid cycling came to a dead halt and left me with depression ever since. Initally I resided in what I call the "black hole" and was extremely suicidal. Thankfully, that has passed but the depression continues on. I'm not near as bad as I was back then but just the same it is chronic. Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever go away. I know I do feel hopeless. I had dumped that therapist because she always belittled me and right now I am actively looking for a new therapist but not having much luck so far. I know that therapy would help me immensely. I think meds can only go so far. I have to learn better ways of dealing with situations and stop being so self-destructive.
>
> I did tell me sister that I missed the old me too. I feel she is within me waiting to get out but I'm not sure I know how to release her at this point. That's where I think therapy can help me. Life like this is HELL and nobody deserves to live this way.
>
> Thanks for your reply and I wish all the best for you in getting better.
>
> AG
poster:Caper
thread:353643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040602/msgs/353783.html