Posted by katia on November 6, 2003, at 20:50:07
In reply to Re: Hello gals..., posted by fluffy on November 6, 2003, at 10:39:32
Hi Katy,
We have such similar experiences and histories and timing of things.
I miss the carefree life too, but ultimately it wasn't a carefree life for me (but it was fun at times!). It was a cyclical life - one thing leading into the next and feeding off each other. It is rather boring to have to be so vigilant about what I do. I too am mourning a loss of an unhealthy self. I feel I'm in limbo at the moment and sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm female and I have to say my name. I feel a bit like I"m disintegrating and it's scary. My identity is going. I sometimes don't know what I like, want or desire. In fact nothing. I just feel empty. I think it's hard to get past this to get through this part - the in between unhealthy and healthy self.I too am on the dsythmic side. For the first time today in over a week however, I had a mixed state. It only lasted a few hours; now I'm exhausted again. I'm just sooo soooo tired. Is it depression? probably. Hypthyroid? who the hell knows. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Never really thought about that one....
Glad your bad day didn't spiral further.
BTW, I'm curious about my sleeping patterns. I do work nights, but that shouldn't be that big of an influence especially since I only work two - three nights per week. I can't fall asleep until around 1-2 and then I can't wake up until 11/12. I just CANNOT change it. I've tried. Like today, I was late for a 1:00 appt. because I slept too late. This has been going on since I've been on medication about a year ago. Previously, I was an insomniac. But then again previously, I had a job where I HAD to wake up earlier. I feel so caught in a zombified rut.
What's your sleep pattern like?
take good care,
Katia>>>WAAAAAY more stable than I did a month ago. So as much as I would like to continue living my life in a carefree manner--staying up late to work in my studio, going out and partying, having good sex with men I don't care about--it's just not worth it anymore. I guess I'm just in the process of "mourning the loss of my healthy self." But the truth is, that it wasn't my healthy self...it was my UNHEALTHY, moody unstable self.
poster:katia
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031105/msgs/277305.html