Posted by katia on July 30, 2003, at 16:57:53
In reply to Re: Thanks Katy, Katia, posted by fluffy on July 30, 2003, at 12:25:37
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> > Katy, I know what you mean about August. You're the first person I know who feels that way as well. It just feels hot, bright and claustrophobic. I'd much prefer a nice soft rainy day. As you well know, moving is horribly stressful and you either feel it during or afterward.
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> AAARRGH--I thought I could escape it this time without getting mixed or depressed. They always say that stress can bring on episodes, and I've said it myself. But I hoped this run of stability would hold for awhile. Maybe it won't be that bad this time. I'm at the stage where I'm sleeping at mom and dad's place--my new place isn't ready, and my old place is just empty and depressing. What else can I do but just hang on?
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> >Don't know if you drink coffee. It's so tempting to use extra caffeine as fuel, but it's very depleting in the long run. I've stopped it since feeling this way and even tho I know it's better for me, the headaches are the pits.
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> I'm a coffee JUNKY. I drink coffee every day. I usually give it up at this time of year due to panic. But it sure helps to have something to look forward to in the morning when I'm not depressed/panicky.
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> > Katia, you mentioned you have mixed states and I know Katy is also bipolar. I wonder if this wild torment is unique to our bipolar/mixed-states condition. I don't hear much about this form of 'depression', it's usually the blahs, no motivation, etc., instead of this fractured frightening stuff.
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> Do you guys ever switch from the mixed stuff into full blown, lethagic, slow depression? I seem to get mixed first (which I think is my form of mania) and then transition into depression (typical depression with loss of appetite, etc. which lasts for a LONG time).
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> I think August is a peak month for Mania (second to March and April). So I'm not surprised when I look at my history that EVERY August to September I became mixed and then fully depressed. I live in a tropical climate, so the sun gets unbearable for me (both in terms of heat and brightness) at this time. Oh how I long for cool breezes and shivering.
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Hi Katy (and Barb),
I seem to not have a noticeable pattern yet. I have always been depressed to different degrees. Always! But looking back, I definitely experience the mixed state prior to a worsening of depression. So I go from mild/mod depression to mixed to mod/severe. I guess you could say. Looking back, there was one summer where I experienced what is probably called mania, in 1988 when I was 17/18 (very euphoric) and I crashed into a bad depression somewhere in the fall and I feel I've never really recovered from that depression. It's just come in degrees with mixed in there too. I've probably only had about a month here and there (total of prob. 6) in the course of 15-20 years, where i felt all storms subside and I just felt good and normal. When that normalcy hits, it normally didn't stay for long as I guess what is called mixed mania or just hypomania hits me and throws me totally out of balance. It's so hard to figure out when during all this time I wasn't addressing it as depression or mania - just "wierd" me who needed to mask it and hide it through various means. it's only been since last summer since I chose to start honestly looking at this and get chemical help. And none of the ADs has worked for me! which led me to my bipolar dx.
yes, I can relate to sticky icky August. Sometimes the long summer bright days are too much for my mood. Sometimes the winter best mirrors what I feel and I don't feel so incongruent. And it goes in reverse too! depending on my mood! I live in the Bay area of California.
good luck with your move. I can empathize as I've moved about six times in the past year and a half! it makes things worse. esp. for those who need vigilant watch on their sensitive balancing act!
be well.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030728/msgs/246840.html