Posted by foucault on July 30, 2003, at 13:29:52
In reply to Re: cognitive decline impeding life, posted by CC67 on July 29, 2003, at 23:38:51
I can't even begin to explain to you, Mila, how much I understand what you're going through. And it's funny, isn't it, that we've both become teachers--a profession that requires an inordinate amount of language fluency? (Although I've played it safe and taught high school ESL and French.)
I am pursuing a philosophy degree these days, reading deleuze, nietzsche, spinoza, etc., and although I can understand abstract, complex ideas with considerable ease, when I try discussing even the simplest ideas and arguments with others, I sound juvenile, disjointed, and confused.
I have spent quite a few years agonizing over this discrepancy, wondering if I have some language processing impairment, but that path, of course, led nowhere. So now I'm trying a different approach-- trying to let go of all the self-incrimination and self-consciousness, and in place of that, I'm attempting to come up with solutions that will circumvent whatever kind of block this might be.
Here's one of my approaches... When I read any text, I underline the important sentences in pencil. However, I do it in a particular way-- underlining the sentences in phrases to help my brain focus on the segments of vocabulary that others have put together. Then I will make up my own sentences using these underlined words or phrases. (At one time, even trying to use the verbs "to examine" and "to constitute" in my speech or writing seemed foreign to me, even though these words appeared very concrete and understandable to me when I read them.)
So that's one thing I do, and it seems to be helping me enormously. (Although I'm still reluctant to read a passage and then try putting it into my own words-- even to myself! Pretty absurd, huh, what fear of failure with words will stop us from doing?)
So for me, I think that there could indeed be a processing malfunction in my brain when it comes to the output or sequencing of language. But dammit, I don't want to live that 'narrative' all my life, so I'm trying to get past the shame and just keep putting the words out there. And perhaps one day I'll come to realize that much of this 'disability' is simply a powerful yet sneaky performance anxiety that makes my mind go blank when I'm asked to express myself.
I hope this at least helps to know that there's someone else out there who is struggling with the same thing that you've described. All the best...
poster:foucault
thread:246353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030728/msgs/246793.html