Posted by Mila S on July 28, 2003, at 23:44:39
Hi, I'm working towards a Phd and I have noticed that my language skills are extremely poor yet my intellectual ability to grasp complex issues is in tact. It is very stange. I feel I can understand and follow complex theories, yet I myself cannot express that understanding in words. I beleive this might be related to years of psychotropic drug trials I've had to undergo to treat depression (which has been severe).
Outside of my field, I have difficulty carrying on conversations about politics or anything else for that matter because my ability to access words and formulate sentences is impaired. Often, I sound like a child when I speak.
It has been extremely frustrating. I am disinclined to be social because of it. I am embarressed to hand in papers to my professors as they are so badly written. I end up handing in work late as I need to spend a great deal of time trying to formulate sentences that sound half-way decent. Even then, my writing comes off like that of an under graduate student.
I also teach undergraduates, and have the same troubles when I lecture. When I study for exams, I find I have to write out notes on everything I read and memorize phrases or whole sentences because I cannot formulate them on my own during an exam. It is incredibly time consuming having to do this in addition to merely studying the content of the material.
Worst is the impact on my confidence and self-esteem. I come off rather unsophisticated in conversation. Most of the poeple I meet are academics having good language skills. I avoid discussing my own field because I come off so "dumb". Yet, I am not "dumb" of course. My ability to register complex arguments is in tact. Thus I cannot convey who I really am. I feel 'stuck', isolated, and more depressed. In the last several years, the closest friednships I have had are with men I dated. None of these relationships lasted however. I have no other close friendships (depression makes it hard to be socially appealing).
Anyone else out there with similar problems? any suggestions on what can be done about this. Presently, I am only taking strattera to help with energy, attention, and concentration. I'm afraid to take anti-depressants due to the cognitive difficulties I've been having --not to mention that they (remeron, effexor, paxil, lithium, prozac, risperdol, zyprexa, lamictal, celexa, wellbutrin, and many more) have so often been unhelpful or intolerable.
I feel isolated, friendless, pessimistic about my career, and mentally exhausted from trying so hard get through school without the langauge skills I need. Any advice would be much appreciated.
poster:Mila S
thread:246353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030728/msgs/246353.html