Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 12:04:30
In reply to Re: Hey Mercedes...I'd like to know more....Willie, posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 7:45:18
Willie, first thank you for sharing your painful memories. And give your husband an extra hug from me. He has stuck by you. At one time, I thought you were goint to say you broke up but he suggested getting help. So glad to know you are going to L.V.
Your post reminded me of some actions I also had but forgotten. Like not being afraid of death. About 2 yrs after I was attacked, I flew from CA to Ohio to visit my neice. I was always afraid of flying but this time I didn't care if the plane crashed. This is when I still couldn't feel. I too avoided friends. I actually lost most my friends. But that was my fault. My mind was a prisoner of the attack. I felt like I would have nothing to say. How would I answer a simple question like, how are you? I'd play this in my mind. HOW AM I? I'm dead, I can't feel, my soul and spirit are gone! So I avoided people/freinds.
I empathize with you and the tragedy you saw. I couldn't even stand to hear the word rape, or hear people say sexual inuendos, I felt guilty that I wasn't killed like other rape victims I later heard about in the news. And my rage, well that's another post.
I'm glad to be like my old self again, well feeling's wise. I still have some issues to work out. I love to laugh, dance and hear music. Jokes or sexual inuendos don't bother me anymore. The one thing that pisses me off is when someone is raped and a guy or girl might comment, "well she deserved it". Still to this day, I want to punch an ignorant person like that in the face.
Anyway, enough sharing for now. I found that group therapy was the best for me. However when I found one, rape survivors (about 1 year after the attack) they closed down. I only went about 3 months. I joined another group first, co-dependents annonymus, cause I was a caregiver to my mom and my out of control teen son, and learned I was forgetting ME. This group helped a little. Too bad there aren't enough groups out there however I find that this site has the same effects. Talking to people who are caring, sharing and that experience similar situations is sooooooo helpful. Thanks everyone!
ok ok, enough for now,
Mercedes
poster:mercedes
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030718/msgs/243890.html