Posted by Ilene on March 11, 2003, at 12:46:48
In reply to Re: FEAR-Why, Why, Why???? » Ilene, posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 23:59:07
> Thank you so much Ilene-wow you sound like me and my life. I am happy that you DID get your undergraduate degree, it has taken me a long time. If all goes well, I will be getting it a year from now. I have been known to be sensitive to criticism and it has cost me some jobs. Butt I have gotten better, and gotten vback some of my self-esteem. For years, I felt constantly criticized too, and my parents insulted and yelled at each other-which eventually led them to divorce(child from a divorced family)My father's mother lived with us, and she and my mother did not get along either and never really did. I can't believe though, how things have changed concerning all this.
> Thank you for sharing this stuff- I could relate to so much of it.
> Take good care,
> Kristen:-)
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>
>
I don't know how to express myself today--I was feeling better last week, but now I've slid back into dazed misery. I'm glad you found some value in my tale of woe, but--I don't want to be myself. I am so guilt-ridden and embarrassed about my entire life! It doesn't make sense, does it? Sweet Reason has no defenses against Mood's invasion.Tell me--did your relatives yell at each other in German?
I have a graduate degree too. Fat lot of good it's done me. An acquaintances said something about "education for its own sake" regarding my lack of employment. One of the reasons I don't want to communicate with most people I know, or socialize with strangers. They tend to ask polite questions about how I'm doing, or what I do. What am I going to say? I'm suicidally depressed and stay home as much as possible? It's a real conversation stopper.
About my parents: My mother died about 5 years ago. She lived for only 2 or 3 months after her diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. (I don't think she smoked a cigarette in her life.) My parents sent mixed signals about my visits. "Oh, you've got children to take care of, you need to finish school..."
Even on her deathbed my mother was pleased to know I had gotten A's in my classes. That was almost disconcerting to me.
I'll try to tell you more later.
--I.
poster:Ilene
thread:203910
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030310/msgs/208068.html