Posted by BarbaraCat on December 8, 2002, at 2:11:23
In reply to Is there ever a normal after a BP diagnosis?, posted by fluffy on November 10, 2002, at 11:47:23
Hi Fluffy,
Hope I can be of some coherent help, your post touched me and I can relate to the feeling of the ground about to be pulled from under your feet and never knowing, and the challenge of somhow not shutting down and keeping the heart open anyway all throughout. I know that in Buddhist philosphy this realization is a very high one, to know that life is unknowing and impermanance, sometimes good, sometimes bad and it's inevitable for us all. It's the hanging on that causes anxiety which leads to chemical imbalance which leads to our particular flavor of mood disorder and hence suffering. The meds address the symptoms, sometimes beautifully, but it would of course be better to get to the root.I do believe there is a way out but it requires looking at the whole gestalt of our pain in a very different way. A helpful book is called "Depression is a choice' and at first it will PISS YOU OFF so royally you'll want to denounce her on Oprah or something, but she has the best philospy I've ever heard and it is helping me immensely. Be prepared for every hackle and defense to arise, but keep on reading anyway.
I'm using it during this very sorrowful time of quickly having to take of my mother's sudden and untimely death way across the country. It's amazing how depression and mania are simply not an option right now, are not welcome and no way no how are they going to interfere with taking care of this precious thing asked of me. In the past I would have totally fallen apart and gotten VERY depressed and paralyzed, but now other than the expected waves of intense sorrow, I'm maintaining and clear-headed and very directed. How I relate when the worse of it is over will be another story to tell, but I plan to stay busy, which seems to be the gist of it, her theory being the criticality of disrupting the primal limbic fear-base mind's loop with something/anything that can be sustained long enough to effect coherence and dominance in the outer cortex. It can break up a bad state in about 20 minutes and worked for me a few hairy times over the past few weeks. It worked for her even with a long familial history of screaming mania; and by God, it WILL CONTINUE to work for me. After considering the utter anguish of losing my beloved Mom, I suspect I'm just not going to let myself waste another precious moment of life, now matter how shitty that moment feels. That's not to say dump your meds. The only way they'll tear Lamictal and Lithium is from my lifeless fingers. But no more despair and hopelessness. I can have those other blips on the screen without the thoroughly useless incapacitation that sinks you deeper into the sludge. I'm done with doom and gloom, kiddos, and if I have to start working in a Soup Kitchen full time to keep my heart open and grateful and just breathing through the pain and loving the simple joys of my life, then I'll even pay them for the priveledge! You've heard it here first, folks, and hey God, you listening? I don't need that kind of pain anymore to get the point!!. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:127130
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021203/msgs/130981.html