Posted by Lyn on November 9, 2002, at 15:18:35
In reply to Re: double double quotes, posted by fluffy on November 9, 2002, at 11:27:01
>When I was taking antidepressants this past time, I felt like thrashing something, breaking things, hurting myself or had suicidal thoughts. It was like an urge...and I can pretty close to doing some of those things. Trying to explain these feelings to a friend is like telling them that you're some kind of alien from another planet. But they are real feelings! I felt so guilty for feeling these things (maybe my catholic/baptist upbringing here).
Yes, exactly what I was feeling. But it is difficult to tell anyone how you feel, when you feel bad. Somehow words seem to escape me and I can say I feel lousy but not why. It is particularly difficult when doctors and nurses are telling me that I am feeling better and are determined not to take any notice of what I say. I spent six years or so being told I had major depression and that was all. More recently I have been given a lot of labels: OCD, Social Phobia, Agoraphobia, PTSD, Eating Disorder.... but that tells me that the earlier people just weren't willing to acknowledge any other possibilities and were determined to prove that they had cured me. This year my case worker decided that I had never been depressed at all and that I was merely anxious. Pdocs plus my own GP have said that there is nothing they can do to help and that I need to find my own cure. One doctor suggested I read self-help books such as Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Thank goodness I finally found a counsellor who listened and got me assessed for the clinic I am being sent to.
> All this was really strange, you see, because I had taken antidepressants before and came out of a major depressive episode. So this time, I thought, should be the same, right? I ended up having such a nightmarish reaction.
>I have felt like this much of my life but it was only eight years ago that I was diagnosed with depression (following the birth of my second child). But none of the antidepressants have helped.
> It's hard to trust the doctors who are prescribing the meds when they seem to exacerbate the problems...I was pretty angry at my pdoc...But part of the problem was that I couldn't recognize the bad reaction..I wanted the AD's to work so badly, so I kept taking them, and kept getting worse. (I'm talking after a good 6 weeks on those suckers...)
>Yep, I can identify with this problem. I spent 18 months on the olanzapine/aropax combo even though I felt so lousy. I really did want to get well and they told me how well I was doing or, when I complained about feeling so bad told me that I had to give the meds time to work. After 18 months, even in the state I was in, I could tell that this combo was never going to help.
> Part of the problem is recognition. If any of this stuff makes sense to you, then be sure to tell your pdoc. And trust him/her even though it might be hard.
>Trust is a major problem, more so than ever after my prolonged experience with the medical community. I just have to take on the fresh slate/starting over mentality when I go to the clinic.
> Good luck to you!
> cuppa? I raise my glass to you!
>Thank you so much for your thoughts and experiences. This time **will** be different for me.
Best wishes,
Lyn
poster:Lyn
thread:126351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021108/msgs/127054.html