Posted by Lyn on November 9, 2002, at 3:58:49
In reply to Re: ideas for poss Bipolar...not sure what type » Brandymac26, posted by BarbaraCat on November 8, 2002, at 14:48:48
I've read this thread and a few other on bi-polar II, and it sounds sooo familiar.
I've suffered dreadful depression and crushing anxiety for years without finding any helpful treatment. Furthermore, I've been frustrated by a medical establishment that tells me how well I am feeling. Obviously if I can drag myself out of bed then that, to them, means I am feeling ok. However, if I can get up it's probably because I am really anxious. When I'm anxious I'm most likely to cut or burn myself or to attempt suicide. I get obnoxious and argumentative and sometimes violent - to the extent of breaking windows. When I feel really depressed I sleep most of the time; when I am anxious I barely sleep and, sometimes, not at all. It's when I don't sleep that I feel most energetic. I'm a great one for planning all sorts of projects - I've got boxes of material and wool and other craft items - but I never get round to doing anything. Either I get so depressed that I can't face anything or I am too overwhelmed or, at times, I simply can't settle to concentrate.
Concentration is a really big problem. I've been diagnosed with OCD and constantly have to count, over and over, in my mind. Sometimes the counting gets so loud that I can't hear anything else and I can't think any other thoughts at the same time. Makes it hell trying to read (I'm a university student) because I have to count the number of words on a line or even the amount of letters.
Sometimes I go on spending sprees or I binge eat. I make dreadful decisions or blurt out a statement and really regret it later. However, I don't associate any of this with mania, which I understand to be a feeling of being on top of the world. In the last eight years I have had three days which were ok (not great, just ok); the rest have been hell.
Most medications have made me feel worse; Prozac gave me migraines; aropax and nortryptilene together didn't help (I was depressed, got anxious and then depressed again); moclobemide made me very, very anxious but it wasn't until I got into one of my deep dark depressions again that they acknowledged that it wasn't helping; seroquel gave me freaky out-of-body experiences and worsened the PTSD symptoms; doxepin made me a zombie; olanzapine and aropax together made me gain over 40 kgs in less than six months, made me so agitated that they prescribed a second AP to try and control the agitation, my face broke out in boil-like eruptions, I couldn't think to save myself and couldn't move to get out of my own way - my friends said it was as if no one was home when they talked to me; an extremely low dose of seroquel also made me feel like a zombie. I've tried a few other ADs and APs that I can't recall the names of, as well as ECT, but nothing has helped.
Does this sound like BPII?
After suffering like this most of my life there may be some hope on the horizon: I have just been approved funding for a private clinic and will leave for there in a few weeks. Hopefully this time someone will listen, won't tell me I'm feeling better when I feel like utter c**p and no-one will tell me to have a nice cup of tea when I am so agitated that I want to break every item of furniture in sight. Maybe, just maybe, I will finally get the right diagnosis.
poster:Lyn
thread:126351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021108/msgs/127027.html