Posted by MJC on October 25, 2002, at 19:41:22
In reply to feelin' sexually frustrated/gf in therapy, posted by bookgurl99 on October 23, 2002, at 23:51:41
This post really got me thinking...You said that a few months ago you and your gf moved in together and just recently you've completely fallen in love with her. Also, recently, she's gone into therapy for sexual abuse issues that she has yet to deal with. Since she's going through this she is obviously bringing up a lot of pain from her past that she's hidden deep inside of her and feels that for once in her life that she's strong enough to be able to deal with these issues. When she's going through therapy for sexual abuse and bringing up all those memories and images from the past, things that people did to her to hurt her, there is no doubt that she won't want to have sex at the moment. Why would she want to have those old images mixed in with what happens between you and her? She's re-opening a lot of old wounds to better herself, and more than likely better your relationship with each other, is probably doing this because she feels strong enough to do it now that you're in her life, and you're only thinking about the fact that you can't get off?
Listen, if you really do love this girl you can easily live without sex for a little while while she gets past this point in her life. She still wants you around, wants you in her life, and at this point, now that she's dealing with all of this crap, it's almost a miracle that she hasn't decided to just push you completely out of her life untill she gets past this point. Can you even imagine what it's like to be abused in that way? Going through therapy, talking about what happened, having what happened replayed over and over again in her mind just about every day in order to accept what happened and push the pain out of her so that she move on with her life. Then she's got a gf who lives with her, who she obviously loves enough to keep in her life, in her home, while she's dealing with this and her gf is sexually frustrated enough to basically ask her if it's alright if she has sex with somebody else untill she's better? Do you have any idea how much of an invalid you made her feel from that statement alone? If you love her, why wouldn't you just support her through this so that the two of you can get on with your lives? She obviously wants to move on with her life which is why she's getting help in the first place. She doesn't plan on getting old and fat and living a life of celibacy with you. She also doesn't want to have that pain deep inside of her every time she's with you, which is why she's trying to bring it to the forefront now and get rid of it.
I've never been sexually abused before, but I have helped a number of girls that I've met through the years get past a point in their lives very similar to what your gf is currently going through. The only thing I can say is that if you love her, stop thinking about yourself for once. She's obviously in a lot of pain at the moment and trying to cope with things. She also loves you enough to let you know what's going on, why she's not able to be with you at the moment, but still wants you in her life, still wants you to be just as close to her but to cut the sex out for just a little bit.
I say if you love her you will stay with her, support her through this, and in no way make her feel worse than she already does just in order to get your own sexual fullfillment. Going a while without sex won't kill you. If you can't do this, then obviously you don't love her, and maybe it's time for the two of you to move on.
I hope this message didn't offend you. I just really feel for your gf because I've seen this happen to so many other girls in the past. It honestly breaks my heart to think of anybody hurting a woman because I honestly believe them to be about the only truly good thing left in this world. Any relationship needs the support of two people, partners need to stop thinking about "me" and start thinking about "us". Right now, you're not treating your girl very nice and if you're not strong enough to get through this, then you should definitely move on and leave her alone. She's hurting enough right now as is.
poster:MJC
thread:124967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021025/msgs/125231.html