Posted by Lyn on October 25, 2002, at 4:39:32
In reply to feelin' sexually frustrated/gf in therapy, posted by bookgurl99 on October 23, 2002, at 23:51:41
> I've been feeling really sexually frustrated lately. My girlfriend is in therapy dealing with sexual abuse issues and has said that we need to stop having sex for a while. I thought that I could deal with that, but she has been treating me like I'm a big pervert if I even give her a squeeze. Meanwhile, she give me mixed messages by acting sexy sometimes and then pulling away when I respond.
>From personal experience, having suffered sexual abuse, I can tell you that it is hard to know what I want. Generally I have no interest in sex, and normally find the idea repulsive. Sometimes, however, I feel as if I want that intimacy, only to chicken out at the last moment. Maybe this is what is happening with your girlfriend?
> What is up with this? I feel like I'm gonna die if I don't have sex sometime soon. Plus I'm scared --- we just moved in together a couple of months ago, and I'm scared that we'll just end up another lesbian couple that gets fat and rarely has sex.
Perhaps she just needs time and your understanding and support. Communication is the key; talk to her about what she's going through and tell her how you feel. Little compensation, I know, when you want something else.
>
> I am really pissed. We've been together over a year and have had good sex up until now. Now, recently, I've fallen in love with her and proven my commitment -- and this is my reward. She starts dealing with her abuse issues in therapy and suddenly I'm cut off.It's not about punishing you. Therapy will be bringing up all sorts of memories and feelings that she would rather not have. It is even likely that she will be reliving the abuse. She needs to isolate the bad sex from what she has with you. If she can come out the other side of it she will probably be a stronger, more loving person.
>
> I feel so frustrated. I love her, but I wish I could have sex with someone else to have my needs met. (I brought this up and she was really hurt by the idea, and told me I'd end up living somewhere else if I acted out on the plan. So, bad idea.)You may need to go solo for a while... or find some other activity to release the pent-up frustration.
Hope things turn out for the best.
poster:Lyn
thread:124967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021025/msgs/125154.html