Posted by Leighwit on May 29, 2002, at 16:25:13
In reply to Jazz » Sarahmarie, posted by BarbaraCat on May 27, 2002, at 1:14:14
Wow Barbara,
While there are always many helpful posts on this board at any given time, some will resonate better than others with each of us.
When reading yours, I am always in awe; amazed that someone else has observations, experiences, and emotions that so closely resemble my own. I'm sure a large number of people here think the same thing. You're a gifted writer and can reach into places that some of us thought we possessed exclusively ~ only to find that the ugliness isn't quite as impermeable as we'd imagined.
Long before I became depressed, I would always cry at the lyrics to "Vincent" (the song about Vincent Van Gogh.) Do you know it?
I'm not sure what symptoms you experienced other than the non-responsiveness to the SSRIs and other AD drugs, that led you to conclude you are BP II. I searched through previous threads but couldn't find where you might have listed them. Would you mind sharing those symptoms again?
I've started the Lamictal last night and am hopeful this will be the start of something better. I get so angry and agitated at times that I fear I'm giving myself heart disease (which is typically a high risk complication from Type I juvenile-onset diabetes anyway.) I'm tired of being angry AND depressed.
I read recently that Bipolar is progressive. Now that's a scary thought. Tell me it isn't so....
I have two of three siblings in my family who have (or had - one commited suicide) schizophrenia. As a result, I've always thought I was lucky to be diabetic. Better to need insulin than to hear voices. Now in my mid-forties, I still think I'm lucky to "just" have major depression (or maybe bipolar II) and diabetes.If, however, BP II is "progressive", I'm wondering what that means for my luck holding...
Laurie
PS ~ Apologies for the melodrama ~ but it felt good to get that one off my chest! Guess some anxiety is surfacing too....
> Well, all this diagnosis stuff is pretty much like the word 'Jazz'. It's just a word, but very inept at describing the many shades, colors, and moods of the many faces of jazz music. You get something that doesn't fit neatly into a standard genre of music and it gets lumped into 'jazz'. There are so many flavors of mood disorders that our poor docs don't know how to get a handle on them.
>
> I was horrified at first when I realized that I was Bipolar II, instead of just severely depressed. I mean, Egads - lithium! That label doesn't feel exactly right either, even though the drug works. I only know that all of us here on this board have something that cannot be dismissed with a name. Perhaps it boils down to being extremely sensitive and exhausted and freaked out by how brutal life can be. Unfortunately, insurance companies don't cotton to 'Life Sucks' as a valid diagnostic label.
>
> I wouldn't worry about the Borderline diagnosis. If it means anything, you don't strike me as Borderline Personality at all. But if it makes your pdocs more comfortable, then let them sit with it until it looks like some other disorder du jour. Then they'll diagnose you with that. Don't fret about it - it's just a word and does not describe you or your soul. As long as the meds work, call it whatever. Look on the bright side, at least you're exquistely complex! - Barbara
poster:Leighwit
thread:106904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020525/msgs/107974.html