Posted by BarbaraCat on May 29, 2002, at 16:57:15
In reply to Re: Jazz » BarbaraCat, posted by Leighwit on May 29, 2002, at 16:25:13
Laurie,
Thanks so much for your post. It couldn't have come at a better time as I'm having a very rough time today and feeling pretty discouraged. It always seems to be about money and survival. I'm not able to work right now and am supposed to be 'healing' since I've also got fibromyalgia (or so I think - who knows). My husband is also out of work and we're squeaking by financially and of course the bills don't stop and the kitty had a big vet bill and we can't pay our mortgage and yada yada. So 'healing' is pretty difficult when I'm always stressed out about the stinkin' survival issues, not being able to afford car or house or health insurance.So, the reason I think I'm BP2 is because of the classic response pattern with SSRIs and also because I've had some definite hypomanic episodes - not sleeping, starting many projects, spending alot of money (my garage literally could be a Michael's Craft Store. I do not exaggerate!), having sublime visions, and then crashing into black depressions. But then again, maybe those 'manias' were just me feeling darn good again after my cyclical depressions and making up for lost time. I have alot of anxiety and panic with the depressions which made me think that the mania and dysphoria were starting to merge.
But I'm no longer sure of the BP2 dx. It's also true that I've had a great deal of stress and extreme life events visited upon me, including a very abusive childhood. I learned very early to be hypervigilant and afraid. The anxiety I get with depression could be just that - anxiety in response to perceived and real danger in my life. I think the constant stress shoots my cortisol level way up and exacerbates my mood disorder, whatever it is. Lithium is definitely helping, but just in the last few days I'm starting to slip again. That's why Lamictal sounds promising. So your experience with it is very helpful, as is your cyber friendship. Thanks. Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:106904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020525/msgs/107981.html