Posted by blabblermouth on May 21, 2001, at 20:07:43
In reply to How Well Do You Know Your Therapist?, posted by Kay on May 12, 2000, at 15:47:06
> No, this isn't a quiz.
>
> I've recently started seeing a new therapist. (It's been about 10 years since I was in therapy, although I've been depressed and on various medications in the meantime.) The relationship I have with this therapist is different from the one I had with my first therapist.
>I can certainly relate to that. My first 'therapist' (if you want to call her that)told me that everything that had happened to me as a child was my fault and the sooner I realized and accepted that fact, the sooner I'd get better, and not until then. Needless to say I didn't go back. I didn't try again until 13 years later.
> We seem to spend a lot of time in more social conversation. I can't exactly complain about this because it's difficult for me to express my feelings and as long as I can steer the conversation away from me, I'm more comfortable. But somehow I feel like maybe we ought to be talking more about what's going on inside MY head if I expect to get anything out of therapy.
I can relate to this one too(imagine that). I try to talk about anything else but what is really on my mind sometimes, just to keep from dealing with the real issue.
There are times I go in with so much on my mind, and so many things to say, but I'll draw a blank when he shuts the door. We'll start 'casual conversation' and if I ask him a personal question sometimes he'll spark something with his response. Fortunately for me, he knows me well enough to see through the times I'm trying to stall, and calls me on it "What's the real issue." response, and most of the time it works.
> SO, HOW ABOUT IT? Do the rest of you guys know your therapist's family, hobbies, likes/dislikes in books, music, cars, animals? Not that I'm asking anyone to list them--I just want to know if you're on quite these same terms with your therapists.
Yeah, I know him pretty well. I could list all of those things and more, but since you didn't ask... :-)After the incident with the first therapist, I made my current therapist walk to hell and back.Pages and pages of questions,(one alone was over 40 pages) not necessarily 'personal', however, I knew his morals, and all that other good stuff when I was finished.
I have asked him personal questions, everything I can imagine. Sports, his favorite food, etc., past times, and over the years, I think I know him pretty well. I asked him about this one day, and he told me that he knew if I didn't answer him honestly, I would have had a negative reaction, and he's right. I've never seen him in public, and I'm not sure how I'd react if I did.
The 'lightbulb' moment was when I told him how I felt for him. It was 10:15pm, and ended being the longest phone conversation I've ever had. 3+ hours, and during that phone conversation, he told me that what I'd shared was a gift. Something that I was so uncomfortable with, I couldn't say it in person, and I had made myself completely vulnerable for the first time in my adult life.
We've had numerous conversations regarding the transference thing, and still discuss to this day. He promised me that he'd never exploit how I felt, and has kept his word.
I think that if he'd been more like Freud I'd have popped his chops, and never returned. He knew I needed to see a 'human' that wasn't perfect, but knew his stuff, and since then have made a lot of progress.
I think that it's an individual thing though. I would definitely suggest that you bring it up. If you can't say it in person, write it down, or print off a portion of the thread. Perhaps you could draw attention back to you by using the therapists comments for your benefit. Of course I drew a blank on an example- if your talking about one of your therapist's personal relationships and you have difficulty in that area, find out what the therapist does that seems to be so different. This has been a big benefit to me. I do get to know my therapist as a person, find out what makes him tick, and get to use those experiences and apply them to myself. Make sense, or am I an 'idiot'?
Sorry for rambling,
Blabblermouth
>
> Or is this just part of my social phobia . . .
>
> Thanks, Kay
poster:blabblermouth
thread:33299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010515/msgs/63864.html