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Re: How Well Do You Know Your Therapist?

Posted by JennyR on May 20, 2000, at 21:57:11

In reply to How Well Do You Know Your Therapist?, posted by Kay on May 12, 2000, at 15:47:06

Kay-
If the conversation with your therapist is superficial, but you are new to working together, maybe that is your therapist's idea of relationship building and giving you time to get comfortable. However, I agree that he/she should not be telling you about themselves. I thought that transference was a lot of garbage, but it has proven in my experience to be a real and a powerful phenomenon. It is the hardest and most uncomfortable thing to deal with in therapy, but where I've learned the most about myself. The more you know about your therapist, the more you sort of tailor what you say and don't say to them, which limits the transference possibilities.
To answer your question directly about how much I know about my therapist - he works out of the bottom floor of his house (brownstone type house) so I know where he lives. He moves his car to the opposite side of the street before my appointment, so I know what his car looks like. I have seen his wife and kid coming and going, so I know what they look like. I hate to see the wife - I compare myself to her and though I feel I compare favorably, I hate to see her and have decided I hate her even though I don't know her at all. I am very jealous, which puzzles me because I am not a jealous person and I have no romantic feelings toward him. I think I just hate the idea that someone means a hell of a lot more to him than me when he means so much to me. Which I know is sort of absurd and irrational. I know this is just his work and I am one of many. Also, he's in his mid to late 40s and the kid is 4. So it makes me wonder what the deal is with that - like couldn't get it together until later in life, or it's a second marriage, or fertility problems, etc, etc. I would rather have not ever seen any part of his life. The only part of him I really care to know is what he demonstrates to me -in the course of his interactions with me.


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