Posted by Cindy W on August 20, 2000, at 19:53:35
In reply to still worried, posted by Cindy W on August 13, 2000, at 23:02:06
> > > > > Cindy,
> > > > >
> > > > > Meant to respond to this sooner, I'm really sorry.
> > > > >
> > > > > Maybe your therapist thinks you're ready to take the next step. I would hope this would be an affirmation of your growth. If you're not ready, then tell your therapist that. But maybe you're ready for more than you think you are. It might help to not look at this as an ending, but a new beginning. But do what you feel is right for you. I would suggest not walking away from a person that's been am intergal part of your life for so long without at least discussing your feelings with them first, but if you feel strongly enough about it then do it. Your health and happiness are the most important things, to you and to us. We love and support you here. Change is the hardest thing for us to overcome and I understand how you feel. Baby steps Cindy, baby steps.
> > > > >
> > > > > I hope this works out for you and you are in my thoughts. Please let me know how it goes, OK?
> > > > >
> > > > > Hugs,
> > > > > Greg
> > > > >
> > > > > > > The part about concern about the psychotherapist - opening a can of worms and more crap to deal with - I understand having hesitation. But to me, therapy is the best gift I ever gave myself. If you find a therapist you really click with, it can be really wonderful. To be listened to like you never have been, understood like you never have been is great. As far as what content you get into and how deeply, with a good therapist you set the pace and you deal with what you can handle as you can handle it. I have gotten so much out of my therapy (2 1/2 years) that I can't recommend it strongly enough. It's the first place where my perspective was taken as valid. I'm used to being negated. I feel so supported by my therapist. It is the most nurtured I've ever been by anybody (and I'm married for 15 years). The content has been very painful, but the support, the caring make it bearable and enable me to figure out what I have to. I urge you to give it a try. You'll know early on if you click with that person.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > JennyR, I went to see my pdoc today and am thinking of discontinuing therapy, now. After about a year of coming to really feel understood and cared about, today I felt like just giving up and never going back. I'm trying to get the courage to divorce (have been married 26 years) and he said, "just do it!" and that insight doesn't matter (which is probably true), but I feel too really scared to take action. So now I feel hurt and am decreasing my antidepressant (Effexor-XR) so that I can perhaps change pdocs, although I've been crazy about him until now. The medication helped decrease the OCD and depression to the point where I can begin to handle other problems in my life, but I'm so afraid, I feel paralyzed still. I feel like he was saying, either do it, or don't come back anymore whining about things. Probably he is right, but I still can't handle the fears (mostly of my own feelings). I've lived separately now for almost four years, so know I can take care of myself. I feel so ashamed, guilty, and hurt. What did you do when you felt like quitting therapy, if things ever seemed too much to handle too fast? I'd like to get the worms back in the can and not open any more cans of worms right now!
> > > >
> > > > Cindy - I've never contemplated going off meds when things are going well, only when they're going lousy like they are for you right now. You're going to find it much easier to deal with your issues with your therapist and divorce issues with the stability support that effexor obviously gives you. Besides, if you really think you should cut things off with this doc (and it really sounds to me like you shouldn't and certainly not without discussing some of this with him) than there are other sources for effexor. You don't have to quit the meds if you quit the pdoc. hang in there, ksvt
> > >
> > > danf, greg, and kvst, thank you for your responses! have been doing a lot of thinking, and what really bothers me about the last pdoc visit was that he seemed so judgmental, after so many visits of not judging. He said i should get a divorce because "you're sleeping with another man," and i really feel like a slut or something after he said that. i know that sounds silly, but i guess the old fashioned upbringing still bothers me deep inside. i hadn't felt guilty until now. (i apologize for the small letters; my computer is acting really weird.) how can i face my pdoc, thinking about how he'd be in the sack, while he's busy telling me how immoral i am, already. probably he just wants me to "shit or get off the pot" because all i've done is whine for a year about being indecisive; but it still really hurts when he gives me a push. Am now on Effexor-XR (now it capitalizes!!! go figure) 300 mg/day, and after the initial dizziness of the withdrawal the past four days, don't feel all that bad. maybe what bothers me is that i've come to feel numb inside, and can't cry even when i'd like to cry. all my feelings (anger, hurt, joy, sadness) are more intellectual than viscerally or emotionally felt. Will see how it goes over the next couple of weeks before deciding whether to further decrease the meds and stop seeing my pdoc. Again, thanks for your caring!
> >
> > I noticed nobody answered my earlier email. Hope you all don't think I'm a real shit. There are a lot of reasons for why i have done what i have done (i was faithful for 24 years, despite my partner's infidelity; he prefers teenage girl pictures over the net to me, and there is nothing left; haven't had sex with my husband for over l0 years; we've lived apart for 4 and have frequently discussed divorce; my s.o. is now 3,000 miles away;i'm only a few years from possible retirement, and don't know what i want out of life anymore). is everybody giving me a scarlet letter or does anybody out there understand. This is why it's so hard to go back to my pdoc, since i feel so very judged despite the circumstances.
>
> Nobody ever answered my post; i hope that doesn't mean i deserve a scarlet letter! Am only a week away from my next scheduled pdoc appt., and am trying to decide whether to cancel it, talk to him by phone, or go in person; and don't know whether to ever even go back. Change is very hard...esp. with OCD! I can't make up my mind about what to wear to work everyday, much less what to do with the rest of my life. Any ideas about how to make decisions such as this? Thanks!--Scarlet WomanAm I a pariah? Nobody ever answered. Have to see my pdoc tomorrow, and don't know whether to just quit therapy, quit Effexor-XR, or hang in there. Have decided to go and at least tell him how I feel (hurt, afraid).--Cindy W
poster:Cindy W
thread:41918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/43407.html