Posted by Sara T on May 16, 2000, at 14:02:20
In reply to Re: I beg to differ ...To Cindy W, posted by Cindy W on May 16, 2000, at 0:24:19
> >
> > > Bob, I think the therapist needs to be someone the client doesn't know very well. As a psychologist and also a person in therapy, I find I do not know much about my therapist, except that he is very warm and caring; unfortunately, this makes me put him on a pedestal and I have a "crush" on him. On the plus side, my transference feelings are "grist for the mill" of therapy, since undoubtedly I relate to him in many of the same ways I relate to others in my life, and if I ever have the nerve to talk about all that with him, will be able to understand and change what I do. From what I have read, the therapeutic relationship is the main factor in client change; whether the therapist is warm, authentic and caring makes more difference than whatever theories or techniques the therapist uses. The client changes when he/she is ready to change and feels sufficiently emotionally supported to change habitual ways of feeling and acting. As a cognitive behaviorist, I find it amusing that in my own therapy, I want more of an analytic, dynamic type therapy! However, I think if I knew my therapist too well, as a friend or lover, neither of us could be objective enough to be honest (friends and lovers always have a hidden agenda, of meeting their own needs). Therefore, as a therapist, I believe that the therapist should not disclose too many personal details (since I work in a prison, disclosing personal information is forbidden and can even be dangerous). All this is my two cents worth...but I still am in love with my therapist!
> > *************************************
> > Cindy,
> > How do you get past or a handle on the "crush" part anyway? In my post above I described how it led to my female psychopharmacologist suggesting that I see someone else until I worked through that issue (I had disclosed to her my feelings after about a year).
> > Do you believe that she and I should have explored that issue rather than her suggesting that I work through it with my talk therapist?
> > Anyway, I see from this thread that this is more of a common problem than I thought.
> > I was at the time trying frantically to find info. on transference from every book at the bookstores but they all seemed to be so clinical in their discussion of transference. I wonder if there is a good book that discusses this subject in depth???
> > By the way your post was most informative to me and the "grist for the mill" concept made sense to me - that is what prompted me to respond to your post.
> > Thanks
> > Alan
> > ****************************
> Alan, I think that only a really secure therapist could address the transference...therapists are just people. If they are threatened, seduced, or overly flattered by someone falling in love with them in therapy, it would be hard for them to keep working with the client. I am hoping that my pdoc is sufficiently secure and has good enough boundaries that I can explore how I feel without scaring him to death, seducing him, or making him think I'm nuts. Since many, maybe even most people, have positive feelings toward their therapist which go beyond gratitude, I think it is an interesting topic, and one with which I'm struggling now. How can I be madly in love with someone I hardly know? Maybe in part because he listens nonjudgmentally and accepts me for who I am without any apparent investment or hidden agenda; maybe because I don't see him at his worst, when he is not on the pedestal I place him on; maybe because I don't have to pick up his dirty socks, or whatever. Since I know very little about my pdoc, except that he is kind, patient, and attractive, I have projected all kinds of things onto him which are superhuman and unrealistic; this is probably the same I do in new relationships with men in my life. So the theory goes that if I understand what I'm doing, I don't have to fall into those traps any more and can learn to see men (starting with my therapist) more realistically. I think, I guess, I hope, I speculate...I don't know for sure.Cindy-
You are one brave lady to address your feelings with your therapist. I think I would be terribly uncomfortable even continuing therapy with a person I was "in love" with. I don't think I'd ever reveal my feelings toward my son's psych because the rejection would just tear me up.
But I am fairly unsophisticated in the matter of transferrance or for that matter psychology in general. I do know that there is some literature in journals about dual relationships between therapists and clients and the ethical considerations. It seems there is a dirth of research about this topic because any therapists that may have had relationships with their clients aren't likely to respond honestly about it or at all for obvious reasons. So there is just alot of conjecture as to how many therapists have ever acted on an attraction to a client.
But isn't transferrance between therapist and cliient like a person having a crush on a movie star or teacher who's kind? I think that it is very human to respond to the charisma or warmth of another person even if they are someone we don't know at all, or very well.
I believe I responded to the warmth of my son's psychologist because I really needed all the positive messages he was sending out. But it hurts to think of it as nothing more than the manipulations of therapy and to think that I am nothing more or less than just another of many people who come to see him.
I hope that you and your therapist can use your feelings and you will get what you want out of it.
Sara T.
poster:Sara T
thread:33299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33642.html