Posted by michael on April 21, 2000, at 9:32:43
In reply to I am soooooooooo sick of this, posted by allisonm on April 20, 2000, at 20:45:38
Just one quick comment - about your " Will this ever end? I feel as though I'm going to be taking these drugs for the rest of my natural-born days," comment...
It's like Mark said, maybe. But if the answer is yes, that's not necessarily a bad thing. If it's a brain chemistry issue - like it is with a lot of us - the answer probably would be yes.
But that's no different than taking insulin, if your body needs that. Like the others have said, if you need to take something "forever", it won't be a chore, when you find the right one (or ones).
Hope that makes some sense...
> Well, I went to see my psychiatrist today. (I've been seeing him weekly for going on three years). He immediately wanted to know how things were going. I had been reluctant to get into the badness of the day-to-day of the last few weeks because we (again) had started to get somewhere in our discussions on issues that I felt were more to the point of why I was seeing him in the first place.
>
> He's noticed a "heaviness" in me the last couple of weeks and was trying to figure out if it was because of our discussions. So I got into the day-to-day stuff. How it's been hard to get out of bed. How I don't feel like doing anything, not even painting (artwork, not walls). Not even playing music or going to rehearsals. Not even working in the yard when it's an unusual warm and sunny spring day. How I've been feeling more insecure at work -- fairly well full of self-doubt most of the time. How hard work has been lately. How hard it has been to stay focused.
>
> The answer? We've upped my Wellbutrin SR dose from 200 mg/day to 300. Still keeping the Remeron at 30 mg/day because of the problem with weight gain at the 45mg level. I've been on Remeron since March 1998.
>
> Will this ever end? I feel as though I'm going to be taking these drugs for the rest of my natural-born days. I am 38.
>
> I now see I had had depression to different extents long before, but went untreated. I slid into a major depression in late 1997. Started seeing my psyciatrist in January 1998. My husband left me and my alcoholic mother died suddenly both in July 1998. My doctor and I have been waiting for me to get through this grieving process. A year ago this Easter I was pretty happy, staying on Remeron, and just getting off lithium, thinking things were getting better. Things were looking up. I was getting off these drugs.
>
> But things got worse last May/June and Wellbutrin SR 100 mg added. Then worse again in October -- I wrote here asking about hospitalization and what was it like. (Wellbutrin SR doubled then to 200mg). Now worse again this April.
>
> What's next? What's the deal? I don't understand. What's wrong with my brain? What's wrong with me?
>
> My doctor asked me (again) today if I thought the drugs were helping at all. Then he said that even he was in a quandary as to whether they were helping. Then he corrected himself to say he DID think they were helping somewhat. I said I had a hard time telling anymore with the exception that if I take the Remeron and then stay up about an hour after I do start to feel quite drowsy, so I know the Remeron is having some effect. Otherwise, I cannot tell. Things are better than they were two years ago, but is that the drugs or because chaos in my life has settled (ie, I'm not making funeral arrangements and putting my mom's home up for sale at the same time that I'm meeting with divorce lawyers)?
>
> The Wellbutrin side effects of shakiness,
> racing mind, tremors have dissipated over time and since I quit caffeine and split the dose from 200 in the morning to 100 in the morning and 100 in the afternoon. Now I'm trying 150 in the morning and afternoon. I just don't know anymore. I really don't.
>
> My ex-mother-in-law has had depression I think for most of her life. There were times when her kids were small when they missed days and days and days of school because she couldn't get out of bed to get them up
> and off to school. My ex-husband all through our 12 married years refused to eat eggs or pancakes or anything related to breakfast for dinner because
> that's what his dad fixed them at night for dinner when his mom couldn't deal with it. She's been on Elavil for years. Recently on Prozac. Who knows what in between. I honestly cannot remember, but there were a number of different meds. She has gained so much weight over the years that now she weighs over 400 pounds. She has trouble getting down stairs now so spends most of her time upstairs in bed anymore. She is effectively housebound. An invalid.
>
> Is this what I have to look forward to? Will this spiral never end? This is supposed to be a better time of year. Spring is here. It doesn't snow anymore. The flowers are out. Someday soon I can wear sandals. I don't have to fret about being alone for Christmas. Things should be looking up. For some reason, my brain does not agree.
>
> I am so very very sick of this.
poster:michael
thread:30771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000420/msgs/30811.html