Posted by Scott L. Schofield on April 13, 2000, at 7:51:08
In reply to Re: Uprima/Fred, posted by liz on April 12, 2000, at 21:12:47
>> How can you have sex when you feel sick?
> I feel like I need to apologize, but I've pretty much enjoyed sex with my husband, even when I haven't been in the mood or am not well. There is something, ideally, about closeness that is very healing and comforting, INHO.
I agree with this. This has been my experience as well.
I really don't mean this to be one of my stupid play on words, but for me, sex is in the head.
Bipolar depression has left my libido as being close to nil. However, my desire remains high. I know this at first seems to be contradictory, but I do not equate the word "desire" with "libido". I just like to have sex. I like to eat too, even when I'm not hungry.
My last heavy-duty sexual relationship was with a girl who suffered from depression as well. Actually, she suffered from double-depression. She knew exactly what it felt like to not have a libido. With the exception of a two-month period of severe depression, she remained in a state of dysthymia while we were together. During the previous eight years of sickness, she had been married. Unfortunately for her husband, with infrequent exceptions, she declined to have sex with him. She had no libido, and would not reach orgasm with him when they did become involved. She was not in love with him, even though he loved her very deeply. Sex for her during this time was, at best, mechanical. However, even without libido, she would regularly masturbate and reach orgasm.
When we first became involved, I was feeling a bit better due to experiencing a partial response to a drug I had recently begun taking. She was dysthymic at the time. We had sex once or twice a day. I had little, if any libido. I guess this sort of thing is not unexpected at the start of a relationship. The thing is, we were good for at least five times a week for over two years. I had lost the improvement fostered by the medication after the first three months, however. Having been severely depressed herself, she did not understand how I could be interested in having sex at all, let alone "perform". Except for the time we were physically involved, I pretty much just sat motionless on the couch with the television on and staring at the floor. I would still look forward to dinner, though. I think one of the keys for me was to not perform at all. It is too easy to get stage-fright. She had no expectations of me, and I had none of myself.
We did have one ace-in-the-hole, however (perhaps a little self-amusement here this time). We were in love. There was no need for anything other than closeness. But we did enjoyed playing in our "sand-box". More often than not, the emotions were more intense than the orgasms. Very often, it was the other way around. However, there was always a caring of the other person and a nurturing of a mutually satisfying experience. There was no such thing as "failure", even if neither of us reached orgasm. Any enjoyment was absolute success. To experience such closeness was absolute success.
All of this being said, I find that it is not necessary for me to be in love to want and enjoy sex, even while being sick. But I will say this. Sex for me is still much more psychological than it is libidinal. For this I feel blessed.
- Scott
poster:Scott L. Schofield
thread:29285
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000411/msgs/29821.html