Posted by Adam on January 31, 2000, at 0:33:03
So I've met a woman, and I can quite honestly say that I am deeply in love with this person. It is wonderful and, sometimes, frightening. It's still very new, but I am scared sometimes because I know only one of two things can happen, eventually: At some point in the future we part ways, or we choose to stay together. I can hardly bear the thought of the former at this stage, but the latter has it's own issues for me, and perhaps others here.
One big issue: What about kids?
She has suffered from depression. So have I. I think we are both being successfully treated. I also know that we are not cured, only relieved. Other members of her family have dealt with serious depression. I look at my family, especially on my mother's side, and it's just a horror story. The question of heretibility is, in my mind, inescapable.
I never want to see a child of mine suffer the way that I did. I've vacillated between deciding to never be a parent, to perhaps adopting. But my own flesh and blood? It almost feels immoral.
And yet. I've never been with someone who didn't want kids, nor have any felt they were willing to forgo the experience of bearing their own child. I also have spent a great deal of time with my niece, the only little one in my life right now, and she has me captivated. I've never responded to a child this way before. All I can think is, a part of her is a part of me. I can't help but love her. I cannot discount the power of the familial link.
Most astonishing of all, something that never occurred to me until I was told just recently, but someone might want to have a child with me because I have attributes they want to see in that child.
But what about depression? What about inheritance? I just don't want to bring more unhappiness into the world. What does one do, when faced with such choices?
poster:Adam
thread:20155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20155.html