Posted by Bones on October 7, 1999, at 18:41:17
In reply to Re: Red Face - YIKES!!, posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 0:36:26
Thank you all for your very wise help.
Yes Bob you are so right on when you say I've got to break the "feedback loop". Social anxiety is a confirmation that everything is NOT okay because of overexaggerated physical "reactions" in social situations.
I usually only blush around authority figures. Today I continued, and continued to blush hugely red in front of my one very good looking, sexually attractive boss. (Hmmm ... any connection there?? And yes I think I've figured out, BY JOVE, that there is some connections between these male authority figures and my FATHER. Perhaps an unresolved Oedipal complex. It would make perfect sense if you knew my mum/dad's dynamics. But you'll have to trust me here - we won't go there.
Anyway I had a very good day - off of meds. right now, hence the return of the blushing. However, my boss looked at me like - WHAT IS GOING ON?? Blushing (especially after working with him for 2 years with relatively no blushing) does indeed create confusing signals. Anyway, I did as I had been advised by a behavioral therapist ... continued to converse even though my face was very, very red, let's see - a lovely "candyapple" sportscar red. (Like you Bob, I am blessed with a lovely creamy pale complexion.) Pretended nothing was wrong. But it still doesn't work. As a matter of fact the symptoms continue and continue to duplicate themselves. I anticipate his footsteps and flush deep red, etc. etc. etc. Tomorrow I am seeing my psych. dr., (after being off meds for 2 weeks). We'll see whatever he can prescribe now. It's a rollercoaster. I don't like SSRI's. Don't quite know where to go from here.
Cyberfriends thanks for your wonderful strategies and personal tips.
On an intersting side note: (I won't take much longer) In response to Bob's query about the workplace and disclosure about mental disabilities. I was very tempted today to just go to my boss and say - Look, I thought you might be wondering why I keep blushing around you. I have this blushing "quirk" - I have a tendency to blush around authority figures. It's nothing that you have done. Etc. etc. I had my blushing problem with my sis. and she came up with this suggestion. (Which I had considered.) I didn't do it. (Actually my boss went off on a flying lesson before I had a chance to approach him.) I went home and told my husband about my day. He gave me a hug and told me I was his wonderful (regardless) Bones. Which was a very warm, touching gesture. God bless him. However, he vehemently opposed my approaching my boss. "DON'T DO THAT ... YOU"LL BE LABELLED!!"
Of course we've all reached that crossroad. To tell or not to tell. To risk being labelled, categorized. As someone so beautifully and eloquently stated in an earlier message ... we'll only be seen as the illness, not the entire amazing, wonderful, complex (and healthy) package. There is a huge risk. I think if personification is going to happen - progress for those with mental disablities. We have to speak out. Become one of the counted. But you see, I can still hide.
Must go to pick up my daughter from skating.
xxxooo
poster:Bones
thread:12488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12744.html