Posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 0:36:26
In reply to Re: Red Face - YIKES!!, posted by Sean on October 4, 1999, at 11:55:15
Geez, does this sound familiar ...
I used to blush whenever *any* sort of attention came my way. Being pretty pale (and proud of it, too), I'd go through all sorts of shades -- scarlet, maroon, cardinal, whatever. To make matters worse, all through my teens and twenties I always seemed to be blessed with associates -- strangely enough, including some normally "good" friends in that second decade -- who as soon as they noticed the slightest tinge of crimson would do their best (worst) to make me blush even more. They'd even comment on the progress the shade was making across my cheeks, into my forehead, the tips of my ears, down my neck and back ... which all just mortify me all the more, to their delight. None of them seemed to understand that all that blushing wasn't the least bit "cute" for me.
I don't know where to draw the line between "painfully shy" and "social anxiety", or which side of the line I've been on. All I knew was that it was a feedback loop. The more I thought about it, the worse it got, etc. ad infinitum ad nauseum.
So, one day I decided not to be embarassed anymore.
Yeah, it's just as easy as it sounds. 8^P
I wasn't getting any therapy at the time, and this was before I got any training as any sort of psychologist, so I'm a bit suprised that it did work for me eventually. I guess it was a two-pronged approach: one being practiced detachment, the other being desensitization (or, maybe, over stimulation).
I started seeking out those situations that would make me blush. One big for instance is that I became a teacher. Up in front of 150 kids every single day. I worked these situations for all they were worth -- refusing to believe I was blushing out of shame or lack of confidence, but rather as some misinformed natural reaction.
Of course, I did my undergrad at the University of Michigan, so I had a lot of arrogance instilled into me over those years. Arrogance helps. You should practice it.
The detachment was just what I mentioned above. I had to chant it constantly -- "I'm not embarrassed", "There's no need to be ashamed", anything to try to interrupt that cascade.
It worked well enough in the end. I still blush in some public settings; certainly for anything remotely resembling human courtship rituals, but also whenever I'm giving a talk ... and after 15 years of teaching and lecturing, I think I've become a fairly well-accomplished public speaker. The things is, tho, that I managed to break the chain. I hardly feel the blush anymore.
See? It *is* all just willpower after all. You just gotta suck it up, right? (Hey! I have an excuse -- these 40 lbs Zoloft gave me, I can't suck that much in). That's my advice, tho -- find a way to break the feedback loop.
Bob
poster:Bob
thread:12488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12625.html