Posted by Noa on September 29, 1999, at 22:37:27
In reply to Re: Suicide-Another confession..., posted by Noa on September 29, 1999, at 22:26:10
PS...this wasn't the first time I was at risk. Many years ago, right after college, I had a few rough years when I felt impulsive suicidal thoughts. I would sometimes feel like I wasn't going to be able to keep myself from acting on them. I once experimented with a razor to the wrist, and found I was way too chicken to do anything more than scratch. I put myself in the hospital for a few days when I found myself heading to a bridge over the Charles River armed with a whopping dose of trazodone,the idea being I would combine oversedation and a leap. That is the closest I got, and I stopped myself by walking to the emergency room instead. I actually started to get better after the hospitalization, not because it was any great therapy, but actually because it was pretty pathetic and I was kind of startled into finding some inner resources once I saw there weren't any out there that could do any more than lock me up to keep me from doing any self harm. BTW, that hospitalization was care of one of the early versions of managed care...HCHP, which was bought out by Oxford in the late 80's. Interestingly enough, the HCHP patients actually got better care than the others, because a psychiatric nurse came to see us every day to check on our progress. Otherwise, the hospital staff provided minimal professional services. And, they would have let me stay a much longer while than I wanted to, I convinced them to let me out after three days. How times have changed.
poster:Noa
thread:12211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12279.html