Posted by Elle on September 16, 1999, at 23:31:53
In reply to The Twisted Shield of Social Status, posted by Cass on September 16, 1999, at 19:13:24
> I just need to get something off my chest. I was highly neglected and psychologically abused as a child, and I think that one of the biggest barriers to my getting help from the school community or social services was the fact that I came from a white, educated, middle-class, non-drug or alcohol using family. My parents were also somewhat charismatic. When I was in high school, I told a counselor many details of the kinds of bizarre, unkind and neglectful behavior my parents exhibited. Although he listened, he never intervened nor did he do anything constructive that I know of. His only comments that I remember were specualtions that I may be mentally ill. I notice that when I tell people about this past neglect and abuse, the first thing they usually ask is, "Were your parents alcoholics?" The answer is a resounding "no." Once they learn that my parents were not alcoholics, their tone usually becomes skeptical. Few people seem to recognize that some parents can inflict cruelty and hate upon their children without being in an altered state of mind. I feel that my parents had enormous insecurites and resentments. In order to maintain a feeling of superiority, they degraded their children, and pride kept them from admitting that they these had problems. Afterall, they had their social status to maintain (which was not based on the content of thier characters, as it should have been, but based upon superficialities, like diplomas and income.) I'm not knocking education. I love education. But I don't think that being educated necessarily means that one has good moral character. My parents lives ended tragically. ...
> Any feed-back is welcome.> The counselor failed you, your school failed you, and anyone who bore witness to your plight failed you. Pleas for help from kids, the subtle to the unmistakable, are often disregarded by the undertrained, and those psychologically and/or emotionally ill equipped to face the unspeakable. In schools and communities where people hide behind pretty doors and grand facades, it makes it easier to deny the ugly truth of child abuse, domestic violence and other problems in the home. On the other side of town, people often become desensitized to the violence around them where it is the norm and they under react to it. Abusers almost always deny the abuse, and work vigorously to hide it. Children are often powerless to muster up the support they need from others. You spoke out and broke the code of silence around what was happening to you. I am so saddened by your story. I am struck by the clarity of your statement and hope you are doing well. Have you ever read Alice Miller? You might want to take a look.
poster:Elle
thread:11662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990914/msgs/11678.html