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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 9:21:40
I think I might have figured out why I am somewhat resisting in therapy going into the deep parts now.
My T and I have become very close and that scares me. I think I want him to be my dad and it almost seems like he might be feeling I am like a daughter but I could be imagining this too.But this is too much for me, and now I am retreating somewhat. Maybe because I don't want him to know what I have been through, because I am worried about him and the effects it could have on him. or it could be that I am having trouble telling him or letting him go there with me because I care about him, so it doesn't feel like telling someone who is totally objective. Plus I he has told me how hard it is for him to go there with clients, even though he needs to. He said it hurts him to see his clients hurting so much.
I know what I am feeling about wanting him to be my dad is probably normal for what I have been through, I am sure he would say that. But I am afraid he will act different towards me if I tell him I feel this way now.Plus intellectually I know he won't ever be my dad, so in the end, it will just hurt no matter what.
For some reason this is so embarrassing to me and I don't know why.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 16, 2008, at 10:05:02
In reply to Scared to post this, posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 9:21:40
Hey, sweet friend: You shouldn't have to be worried about HIS feelings ((I know you probably know this))......I am sure you feel all twisted in knots as to what to say or do. Your feelings are normal.
I don't think he would act differently, but I know you are afraid.
I never knew my father (and told my t once that he was every man I never had in my life: father, brother, grandfather, etc., etc....
Perhaps you could test the waters....and kind of talk around it, and see what happens?
Love you.....Sassy
Posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 10:29:46
In reply to Re: Scared to post this, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 16, 2008, at 10:05:02
Thanks Ally sassy frassy gurl,
Test the waters! lol I think I will stay on the shore for now, there are sharks swimming around I can see! lol
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 16, 2008, at 10:55:03
In reply to Re: Scared to post this » sassyfrancesca, posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 10:29:46
You are SO welcome.......krazy-twin,gurlfriend....yes, stay out of those shark-infested waters.........
Do what you need to to stay safe!!
Don't listen to a word I say, LOL, LOL
Hugs n Love, Sassy, Ally-gurl...frassyy!!
Posted by Phillipa on April 16, 2008, at 12:49:32
In reply to Re: Scared to post this, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 16, 2008, at 10:55:03
Isn't it natural to desire a Father or Mother figure? Love Phillipa
Posted by LadyBug on April 16, 2008, at 14:07:49
In reply to Scared to post this, posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 9:21:40
I can relate to how this feels as I have seen my T as my parent a lot of the time. It is a part of transference. And my T is only 8 years older than I am but I can see her taking the role as the mother I never had but wished I had.
I would talk to him about it, I'm positive he understands.
I have so many regrets right now about therapy. I'm wondering why I've done it for so long and where it has taken me???????
LadyBug
Posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 17:38:50
In reply to Re: Scared to post this » Happyflower, posted by LadyBug on April 16, 2008, at 14:07:49
Hi Ladybug,
I have thinking about you and wondering how everything is going with you and your family. I am sorry you are regretting therapy now, has your T been any more supportive since the adoption?
Maybe my feelings have something to do with him talking about his kids lately. He has 6 of them and the youngest is 25, oldest 40, so he could just as well adopt me. lol
I am getting scared because he is starting to mean a lot to me in a lot of ways and for me that is scary to be that close to someone. And ever though I am not one of his family members, he treats me like he really cares and like I could be.
I am so relieved that I met him because if all therapist were like my old one, I don't think I would want to get into the field myself. He is the T I would like to be some day. I don't have him on a pedestal or anything, but he is very good at what he does.
Posted by CareBear04 on April 17, 2008, at 1:15:39
In reply to Scared to post this, posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 9:21:40
happyflower-- i don't think you should be embarrassed at all... it seems like a whole lot of people in therapy at some point want their T to fill sole role in their life-- parent, lover, sibling, best friend... i guess for me, i've mostly wanted them as friends (if female) and big brothers if male. when i was younger--even now, i guess-- i always wanted a big brother to look out for me. and i've realized that, for some reason, i consistently elicit that kind of protective response in men. i've mostly had male Ts, and i guess most of them have been younger than father-age. the one T i had who was old enough tried to prove to me how cool he was, and in light of his having a fouler mouth than i have, it was hard to see him in father-mode. i actually don't even know for sure whether any of more past or current Ts have children. the curse word T and my current T talk about their wives but never about kids. with the one woman T i saw long-term, i did sometimes wish she were my mom; she was just so caring and wonderful. she, i think, had at least one kid. she gave me both her home and cell numbers, and i called once and either talked to the boy or heard him in the background. it was kind of weird to think about her having a whole different life apart from how i knew her, even though i'm sure she's a fantastic mother.
i'm sure it must be tough for you to hear your T talk about his kids and family even though you know that he cares for you. would it make you feel better to tell him that you see him as a father? if you feel like it's a weight on your chest, maybe it would do you good to tell him. i have had an experience outside the therapy context where my friend told a mentor that i saw him as a father-figure (which actually wasn't true, though he did really act like one on my behalf). he sort of got freaked out-- he has a daughter and a son, both grown up-- and i had to do damage control and reassure him that i wasn't really expecting him to be my father. but in the therapy situation, it would certainly be at least more common if not easier for your T to accept. i'm not too educated on the whole transference/countertransference complexities, but maybe he would even see it as healthy and a clue as to areas to address?
just rambling thoughts...
cb
Posted by Happyflower on April 17, 2008, at 9:15:09
In reply to Re: Scared to post this » Happyflower, posted by CareBear04 on April 17, 2008, at 1:15:39
Thanks CareBear,
What you wrote makes a lot of sense, intellectually I know it is normal and okay. But emotionally I feel scared because I haven't ever been able to count on anyone especially my parents.I have talked to him before that I didn't want to become too attached to him. And he said that he as a T has to make sure HE doesn't become too attached to me, because that is a something that has happened before, and it isn't good for me or him. But being attached is okay, just not too attached. But any form attachment makes me feel a little scared, because it was something I could never count on. I think I am not rambling on.lol
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