Posted by CareBear04 on April 17, 2008, at 1:15:39
In reply to Scared to post this, posted by Happyflower on April 16, 2008, at 9:21:40
happyflower-- i don't think you should be embarrassed at all... it seems like a whole lot of people in therapy at some point want their T to fill sole role in their life-- parent, lover, sibling, best friend... i guess for me, i've mostly wanted them as friends (if female) and big brothers if male. when i was younger--even now, i guess-- i always wanted a big brother to look out for me. and i've realized that, for some reason, i consistently elicit that kind of protective response in men. i've mostly had male Ts, and i guess most of them have been younger than father-age. the one T i had who was old enough tried to prove to me how cool he was, and in light of his having a fouler mouth than i have, it was hard to see him in father-mode. i actually don't even know for sure whether any of more past or current Ts have children. the curse word T and my current T talk about their wives but never about kids. with the one woman T i saw long-term, i did sometimes wish she were my mom; she was just so caring and wonderful. she, i think, had at least one kid. she gave me both her home and cell numbers, and i called once and either talked to the boy or heard him in the background. it was kind of weird to think about her having a whole different life apart from how i knew her, even though i'm sure she's a fantastic mother.
i'm sure it must be tough for you to hear your T talk about his kids and family even though you know that he cares for you. would it make you feel better to tell him that you see him as a father? if you feel like it's a weight on your chest, maybe it would do you good to tell him. i have had an experience outside the therapy context where my friend told a mentor that i saw him as a father-figure (which actually wasn't true, though he did really act like one on my behalf). he sort of got freaked out-- he has a daughter and a son, both grown up-- and i had to do damage control and reassure him that i wasn't really expecting him to be my father. but in the therapy situation, it would certainly be at least more common if not easier for your T to accept. i'm not too educated on the whole transference/countertransference complexities, but maybe he would even see it as healthy and a clue as to areas to address?
just rambling thoughts...
cb
poster:CareBear04
thread:823573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823730.html