![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 11:40:37
does anyone ever feel like just giving in and letting those in authority just lock you away. lately i've been feeling like that. just that i'm cronic about S.ideation and that my fate is that of a residential mental health facility. that's it's just a matter of time. of course i have my good days and bad but this lethargic, 'ijust don't care anymore' feeling has just been getting stronger. i'm fighting it but...am i just being lazy, selfish, stupid? is it that i want to feel taken care of? or just that i'm tired and want to cave to whomevers opposing view.
(i think the latter)b2c.
Posted by Sonya on August 17, 2005, at 13:02:43
In reply to floating away to the 'farm', posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 11:40:37
Dear b2c,
Yes, yes, yes...I want to give up and be totally taken care of. A day doesn't go by that I don't contemplate leaving life. As it is I go through every day thinking I'm biding time til The End. Everything seems pointless.
Depression...yuck.
Sonya
Posted by ghost on August 17, 2005, at 20:04:34
In reply to floating away to the 'farm', posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 11:40:37
b2c,
i almost checked myself into the hospital last week. i'd had it. i was sick of all the BS and sick of feeling like crap on a stick and just sick of everyone. i longed for regular meals, and regular schedules, and 15 minute checks. i wanted to hurt myself and wanted someone to make sure i didn't because i didn't trust myself to do it. i'd just had a fight with some good friends and i felt like i had no one who cared. but the people at the hospital care, because they have to.
anyhow. i ramble.
yes. i know what it's like. but you HAVE to keep going. i don't think your be-all, end-all fate is that of a mental hospital. it might be a stop on the way but you are destined for far greater things.
i had to force myself to get back on a regular schedule (for me that helps a lot, even just showering and eating at teh same time every day helps), go to my doctor's appointment (which was good timing as i'd stopped taking my meds, too, and ended up being really sick from one of them, which is partly why i felt so bad), and just to kind of take the time to make sure i did what i was supposed to do, if that makes sense.
i dunno if any of this will help. but it's what helped me and i felt similar to what you talked about.
is it a full moon or something?
hang in there, chica.
<3
ghost
Posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:54:00
In reply to floating away to the 'farm', posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 11:40:37
I've been to the farm. It's not so nice. And they don't let you relax into insanity, but nudge relentlessly, making you work work work toward finding an equilibrium that will allow you to function on the outside.
Only you know what your motivation is.
Wanting to suicide is sometimes a comfort, sometimes so familiar and cozy. I know that place so well, that place of wanting to die. There is less fear there, less anxiety. I will always go there, and I know it. For comfort. But less often. And I believe I'll never do it.
((chica))
ShortE
Posted by B2chica on August 18, 2005, at 9:46:58
In reply to Re: floating away to the 'farm' » B2chica, posted by Sonya on August 17, 2005, at 13:02:43
maybe it's the taking care part. when i read your response it really clicked. i'm tired of maintaining myself. i'm so sorry you are feeling this way, but you made me feel good knowing you think the same things.
thank you
b2c.
> Dear b2c,
> Yes, yes, yes...I want to give up and be totally taken care of. A day doesn't go by that I don't contemplate leaving life. As it is I go through every day thinking I'm biding time til The End. Everything seems pointless.
>
> Depression...yuck.
>
> Sonya
Posted by B2chica on August 18, 2005, at 9:55:05
In reply to Re: floating away to the 'farm' » B2chica, posted by ghost on August 17, 2005, at 20:04:34
(((((((((((((((ghost)))))))))))))))))
i've missed you sweetie.
Just like you said, the regular meals, regular schedules, AND 15min checks. why do i crave them?please DOUBLE please don't hurt yourself. i need you here.
luckily my S.ideation hasn't reached a danger point of Needing to check in, but it's like this little contant hanging in there.
i'm hanging in but not sure to what, i'm afraid it might break. (and i don't want it to)
Posted by B2chica on August 18, 2005, at 9:55:37
In reply to Trigger » B2chica, posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:54:00
ShortE
i've been to the hospital MH ward several times, that's not what i'm worried about. it's our county institute that i'm afraid of, it's like what you see in the movies. like a jail, nurses are all burnt out, bad food, they really don't care and you get in trouble for everything, they tie you down if you make a rucus, and treat everyone like animals. (i haven't been there, part i heard from others, the rest i imagine).luckily i have a great T and pdoc and they both don't think i 'belong' there, however, if i keep reporting these thoughts...it scares me.
and YES YES YES, with reading your sentence it IS like a comfort, familiar. there is less fear there, less anxity, and there my bad memories don't matter.
thank you for your words (and thanks for the trigger line)
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on August 18, 2005, at 10:25:48
In reply to Re: floating away to the 'farm' » B2chica, posted by ghost on August 17, 2005, at 20:04:34
Ghost, i hope you don't mind but i was re-reading your post and the first half is SO what i think i'm feeling i'm writing it down and going to take it to session today. hope you don't mind.
i've been hurting inside cuz i feel SO selfish, i'm the cause of our financial strain, all my hosp and therapy bills. hubby and i have been arguing about that alot lately, i feel real guilty and sad about it. i briefly mentioned my feelings to my T and he said i'm taking responsibility for myself and i shouldn't feel guilty, but i guess guilt is ingrained into my being and can't help it.
thanks
b2c.
Posted by ghost on August 18, 2005, at 19:08:27
In reply to Re: floating away to the 'farm' » ghost, posted by B2chica on August 18, 2005, at 9:55:05
> please DOUBLE please don't hurt yourself. i need you here.thanks. that means a *lot* to me right now.
ps: i read your other thread. i hope you have a *marvelous* vacation, and i hope that even if you don't get to talking about everything that you can at least enjoy yourself and enjoy a stress-free vacation.
*big hugs*
ghost
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.