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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:04:03
Last night. Now I forgive myself and go on. Continue, vowing never never again. Good things can be ruined by mis-steps.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 10:28:45
In reply to Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:04:03
Hmmm, yes, but good things can also be missed by always being too measured and cautious. But, I guess if it is easier to live with regret than to learn to forgive onesself . . .
> Last night. Now I forgive myself and go on. Continue, vowing never never again. Good things can be ruined by mis-steps.
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:37:20
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back » Susan47, posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 10:28:45
Hah! I wish it *were* sex I was talking about. A one-night stand with condom would've been smarter than what I did. As long as there was no kissing. Kissing can transmit a lot of bad, bad things. Man, it's easier just to be celibate and lonely.
And making stupid dumb idiotic phone calls to somebody who's going to feel really weird about having to pick them up.
Oh see now, I can't hate myself. I have to go on, because this is a day I have to live, and live it well, the best I can.
If only I could forget, but then if I forget I might do it again. So I can't forget, which is what I've been doing for so long. I have to remember, so that I can remember not to do it again.
I love you Susan. You're a nice, a good person. You have a lot of spirit. You've had a hard time with people in your life, you never did learn how to make a connection. But you're learning now. And it's not your fault that you couldn't make a connection with this particular person, this t you had, because you didn't really understand what that relationship was supposed to be like. You never understood relationship, period. But you're learning, now.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 22, 2005, at 10:45:29
In reply to Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:04:03
If this helps any, I think we've all been there in the phone call department. WElcome to being human!
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:55:11
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 22, 2005, at 10:45:29
May I give you a big mwah, thank you so very much for that, Miss Honey.
Posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 11:01:24
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:55:11
Posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 13:50:45
In reply to Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:04:03
You probably have a profound need in yourself - to connect and develop a deep relationship with another person - a man. But you are trying to satisfy that need with your T - who was never romantically/emotionally available for you, who isn't and who never will be.
And given what you have said that you always had trouble connecting to people, no wonder you have trouble with your T as well.
Maybe recongizing that you have a basic human need to connect and that it is a very valid need for anybody is the first step to let go of this person. You can satisfy that need in a good rewarding way with people who are available to you. IT doesn't have to be in this disappointing way of one sided longing.
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 16:31:10
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 13:50:45
WHAT people? What people, where, did I miss something? Are there even 10 fabulous looking, caring, generous (oh yes he was very very generous with his time, he is truly a lovely, "nice" person ... I could never love any other kind of person than that, now I know that, wahoo, for the first time in my life I finally see what type of person a man can be .. I never knew that, never knew it. So of COURSE I fell in "love" with him, what woman wouldn't? I'll bet he goes through this very very often! I think I've only ever seen one other woman in his office, he treats lots of men and couples ... I think I'll bet I know why!!!) so anyway where are all these men??? Honey, I'm alone till the day I die. It's time to face the facts, and get on with life... somehow.
Posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 17:26:30
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 16:31:10
I don't know the complete correct answer to this one. But I used to think that I need a perfect person to fall in love with - and that I can marry a person and have a good relationship only if I am very deeply in love with the person. And that both of us have to be very much in love with each other etc etc..
And I used to think that I haven't met anybody I wanted to live with or that if I found someone I liked, they were already married.
But now I am realizing that I probably could have led a reasonably satisfying marital life with atleast a bunch of men that I have met in life even those whose proposal I turned down. Looking back, I could have marreid them and been perfectly happy with them. And I keep meeting lot of very good men everyday.. maybe not perfect, and not all of them excellent or great, but most of them pretty decent - I could have a decent relationship with lot of them. IT may not be a very romantic or deeply fulfilling relationship - but nevertheless, a warm and caring and amicable relationship with little bit of friendliness is possible.. and they don't even have to be from the same culture that I am from. As long as I can strike some mutual ground I am fine.
Your therapist was probably extremely good and handsome and caring, but I am pretty sure you will be able to settle for someone not nearly as good as he BUT available to you and that you would be happy with them instead of pining for this perfect therapist who is not available to you even little bit romantically.
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 18:48:08
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 17:26:30
Yes, well, the whole thing is really very amusing. I knew from the first that this was a guy who'd had this happen before, I figured too it probably happens quite a bit so of course I knew right off the bat I was being idiotic but I let it happen anyway, in fact, encouraged the whole feelings thing in myself. Weird, isn't it.
Posted by pinkeye on February 22, 2005, at 18:51:45
In reply to Re: Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 18:48:08
It isn't weird. Maybe you did what you needed to do at that time. And it satisfied something which you badly needed. Only now, you can probably realize that the way you went about getting the need fulfilled is wrong and does not work very well for you and correct the behaviour and learn a better adaptive behaviour.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2005, at 20:02:58
In reply to Two Steps Forward, One Back, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 10:04:03
As long as overall you're heading in the right direction, consider yourself doing great.
This is the end of the thread.
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