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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 3:01:11
I've been seeing a T since Nov 03.
My first T was awesome. I felt that she really cared. Then in Aug 04 I found out she was moving to a new state. I was very upset. I felt abandoned. I know this is somewhat normal given the situation, but I have this feeling a lot and don't know why. I wasn't abused or abandoned as a child, but have always searched for someone to be close to like a mother figure. Anyway...a couple weeks after T left I wrote to her. Surprisingly she wrote back. We have been writing ever since, usually about once or twice a month. I am glad, but feel kind of guilty like she just didn't want to tell me she couldn't have any kind of relationship since she wasn't my T. And I also fear that in the future she may decide she doesn't want to continue writing to me. I don't want her to feel guilty either.At first I didn't want to see another T and start over. After I saw her a few times, I like her. She is very funny and encouraging. She seems to hold back though I guess because she doesn't want to encourage me to become attached. My ex and new T worked at the same place. I didn't tell my new T that I talk to the ex T because I know that could be unethical. They keep in touch and she tells me the ex T asks about me, but I don't know if she told her either.
I have a fear of what will happen if/when therapy is over. I would miss my new T and would want to stay in touch, but don't think she would go for it or even how I would bring it up. But I know it will be quite a while as I am still having problems.
Hope this isn't too confusing, but just wanted to get my thoughts about this out. I know other people have these issues to and would be glad to hear any comments on the situation.
Posted by Shortelise on February 21, 2005, at 12:55:58
In reply to feelings about T, posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 3:01:11
You think your new T is holding back - could it be that you are holding back because your old T left you, and you are putting these feelings on to your new T instead of feeling them yourself?
Could it be that your last T left you, you feel abandoned and so you are afraid to get atteched - you say that a litttle in your post I guess.
Attachemnt of a client to a T can be what makes therapy work, according to better minds than mine.
It seems like I say this over and over to myself: if it's an issue, I need to talk about it with my T. It's always the stuff that scariest to talk about that seems to be the most important. And it's the resolution of the scary stuff that makes for progress. It would be so nice if we could just chat about the weather and my emotional crap would just dissolve.
It is not necessarily unethical for your T to correspond with you. Therapy by mail would be a bit strange, and might not be very helpful if you are trying to establish a relationship with a new T, though. Again, if you wonder about this, talk about it. You could ask your old T if the new T knows the two of you are writing!
I exchange occasional letters with the psychiatrist I saw ... 30years ago. It's nice.
Take care. Keep us posted, if you wouldn't mind.
Hugs, ShortE
Posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 15:01:31
In reply to Re: feelings about T » JLynn, posted by Shortelise on February 21, 2005, at 12:55:58
Yes I do hold back as I have always done. It's like you know once you tell something then you can never take it back and then you worry about how that person will look at you. I know people say don't worry about what others think, but that's pretty impossible-especially with T.
Yes I do feel a little abandoned. And I am afraid of attachment because it usually leads to a lot of hurt.
I'm not really doing therapy by mail with old T. We just stay up to date on whats going on-mostly in my life and with our kids and such. Sometimes I feel like it is unfair to her. Maybe I should tell her this, but I am afraid to hear the truth.
Thank you for listening and understanding. Sometimes I feel like trying to understand how I feel or should feel about my T's makes me feel more crazy than why I actually see them. Does this make any sense to anyone???
Posted by alexandra_k on February 24, 2005, at 0:45:50
In reply to Re: feelings about T, posted by JLynn on February 21, 2005, at 15:01:31
Yeah, it makes sense. Stuff like that is hard. I don't think it is unethical to keep up that sort of relationship with your old t. But it is probably not so good that you don't feel so good about it. It would be nice if you could talk to your new t about it so then you don't have to feel like you are hiding anything. If she responds acceptingly about it then it may help you feel more attached to your new t.
Maybe bring it up with your old t first? Or your new one if you could manage it. I personally find that if I take little risks with things that are hard and find that they respond positively then I have more trust in them and feel more attached to them and can take bigger risks with them.
Attachment is frightening to me. But I guess the only way I will ever be able to work through that is to allow myself to get attached to someone who is willing to help me through that.
I don't know.
But I think I understand how hard it is. I would find it hard myself.
This is the end of the thread.
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