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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by hope4best on November 19, 2004, at 22:25:45
Found out my fiance has been looking for something "on the side". He says my lack of "passion" is the reason (I've been on various ads for the past 2 years, trying to find the right one.) All along I thought he was being understanding. Remeron made me gain weight and that made me want sex even less cause I feel so ugly.We were going to get married in a couple months and we just bought a new house together. He has 2 kids who I love and now it's all over. I don't know what I'm going to do. They were my life and now I'm so sad, I can't see anything ahead for me.
Posted by midwestgirl on November 19, 2004, at 23:31:34
In reply to Too sad to sleep, to sad to stay awake, posted by hope4best on November 19, 2004, at 22:25:45
To hope4best,
What a freaking jerk. Honestly though and as awful as it might sound, don't you think he would have done the same thing to you no matter what the situation was? People like your finace just make excuses so they don't have to feel guilty for being slime and blame it on you for whatever reason. This time its your meds. He could say the same freaking thing if you were working long hours or just think if you ever got married and had kids with the guy yourself - dont you think he would say the same thing about a "lack of passion"? Especially since all new moms gain weight and dont feel sexy - so would that be a good excuse for him then?
I know its hard to look ahead past the hurt and pain that he has caused you. You have every right to rip up all his clothes - but don't, be the bigger person. Or maybe just his favorite hockey jersey or college sweatshirt.
Stick him with the mortgage payment and get the hell out. Everyone will know that it was his fault and in a couple months when his "girl on the side" kicks him out, he will realize what a jerk he is. Don't take him back though - anyone who could hurt you at a time when you needed support the most is a chicken - he is too afraid of tough times, he only wants the easy, good times. All relationships go through bad times and you need someone who sticks it out. I haven't found that person yet, but I know I will. Right now, I am OK being single. I have good friends, I volunteer, I try not to go crazy too much( I have a boderline personality - whatever that means), I love my kitties and I watch a lot of Law and Order. What the hell.
Go on a vacation and go by yourself and be the mysterious stranger, go to a casino with friends and gamble loudly and make fools out of yourselves, go to a male strip club and laugh at how icky naked guys really are, take yourself out to the nicest restaurant in your town, sit at the bar and just laugh at all the guys who hit on you and let them fight to buy your dinner. Then let out a huge belch just cause you can.
Even if you don't feel confident and strong, fake it. The more you do, the better you will feel. Soon you will go an hour without thinking about him, then half the day, then a whole day, then longer.
Sorry for the ramble but it really pisses me off when anyone blames their own faults on someone else, especially someone who is sick and most of all needs emotional support. Poo on him.
Good luck but you dont need it. There is a lot ahead of you but you have to go make it happen. Fake it at first - then it gets easier.
Midwestgirl
Posted by stresser on November 20, 2004, at 14:42:38
In reply to Re: Too sad to sleep, to sad to stay awake, posted by midwestgirl on November 19, 2004, at 23:31:34
I COUND NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF. What a selfish slime. It's not you. If it were anyone else, he would have done exactly the same thing, at the same time. Been there myself. There's something better for you on down the road, and you need to RUN, now! and look for it. If you happen to see him crawling your way, and he's wanting you back, just step on his "back" and keep on running. Don't even turn your head to look over you shoulder, do you hear? You are worth so much more than that. You'll see. -L
Posted by midwestgirl on November 21, 2004, at 0:53:19
In reply to Re: Too sad to sleep, to sad to stay awake, posted by stresser on November 20, 2004, at 14:42:38
hope4best,
Please talk again and let us know how you are. Remeber, you did nothing - he would have done this sooner or later and honestly, its better sooner - as hard as that is to hear its the truth. Please post a followup.
Midwestgirl
Posted by hope4best on November 21, 2004, at 19:35:45
In reply to Re: Too sad to sleep, to sad to stay awake, posted by midwestgirl on November 21, 2004, at 0:53:19
Thank you so much for your very helpful words. It made me feel so much better to know people out there understand how I feel. I haven't been online b/c I broke my wrist and it's a little hard to type with one hand. It's hard to tell if this current feeling of despair is the fact that I have to wear this cast till 12/24 or b/c of his indiscretion, or both. I have to give credit to Cymbalta for helping me be less emotional and more logical. In the past I would have been upset for who knows how long. But now I don't know what I feel. The downside to being "unemotional" (for lack of a better word) is that now I'm not sure what I feel. Tired, but calm. I guess that's a good thing. Maybe a little TOO mellow (shouldn't I be spitting mad still?)--instead I'm kind of "whatever"...just taking it easy and not discussing anything with him but being cordial enough. It feels weird not to know how I feel, but it's still gotta be better than the old me, where the anger and adreneline would likely add fuel to the fire. I have read and reread your words and it helps me to feel strong. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me when I really, really needed it.
This is the end of the thread.
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