![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan47 on April 7, 2008, at 13:11:43
Okay, all righty already. So it's no secret I have this Issue with you, imaginary though you are to me these days. Thank god for that, thank god for all the deeply sensual expressions you gave my voice to, damn you. F*ck you, for not listening or understanding, for judging, f*ck me for thinking this.
Well, out with it then.
All righty.
This is the thing.
So I'm showering in a drug-induced coma once again,
and as the heat rises, and as I realize I have a truly beautiful body after all, and as I touch myself with something a little like love,
for the first time in I can't remember when
If Ever.
And then my thoughts float back to my feelings about schizophrenia,
and I wonder if you truly think perhaps I am a schizophrenic.
And then I remember my feelings about society, about how all of human society is schizophrenic, and about how we have passed this disease onto the very planet itself, plants and animals are beginning to vibrate with the frequency, the self-annihilating frequency that we fight every day. Is this the talk of a diseased mind? You betcha, baby. And the secret is, to recognize the illness, quit fighting the disease, and just Let it F*ck*ng Be, damn it. Because repressing the ills of society only makes it stronger in myself. The illness, the disease has to be recognized, and lived with.
So, just a ramble to please my sick mind.
That's all.
Because I'm losing it, damn it, I'm losing all faith in myself, and I realize that truly I know nothing, and I'm standing here with my hands wide open, my heart as wide as the universe, to receive.
Love.
Posted by Happyflower on April 7, 2008, at 19:36:02
In reply to Dear Ex-T, here I go again damn it., posted by susan47 on April 7, 2008, at 13:11:43
Hi Susan,
I am fighting feelings for my ex-T I terminated last July. Damn them for leading us on and playing with our emotions. I hope you can get some relief sometime from this and me too. Take care, Susan...
Posted by susan47 on April 13, 2008, at 0:55:45
In reply to Re: Dear Ex-T, here I go again damn it. » susan47, posted by Happyflower on April 7, 2008, at 19:36:02
Happy,
Like I said, it's a schizophrenic world out there. On the one hand, these people are supposed to care and help. On the other hand, they're prevented from being truly authentic by all the guidelines needed to keep them in line. And us, too. And who knows what the answer is? Perhaps traditional therapy needs changing.
Posted by susan47 on April 15, 2008, at 12:42:28
In reply to Re: Dear Ex-T, here I go again damn it. » Happyflower, posted by susan47 on April 13, 2008, at 0:55:45
....I could be completely schizo and out of it. Perhaps the world is healthy and sane, and I'm insane. I know I've felt insane. Trying to cover up feelings and deny myself all of It. The Living that I could have done, instead of all the dying inside, over and over and over again. I'm so sick of it.
I'm sick of denying things.
I'm sick of denying the anger and the rage at committing the murder of two innocent babies, two innocent little angel souls coming into life on this planet, and I denied them. Both. Because their fathers did not weant them, and so, consequently, I did not want them either, but the truth is I DID want those babies, I LOVED those babies from the moment they were conceived, I just didn't know how MUCH I LOVED THEM, I LOVED YOU. You darling little ones, I am so sad and so sorry I was accessory to what I did, which was make your murder possible.
And so the cells of my body live with the constant knowing of your pain, your anguish, your sorrow.
Please, please, please forgive me.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2008, at 13:58:07
In reply to On The Other Hand ***CAUTION***TRIGGERS, posted by susan47 on April 15, 2008, at 12:42:28
Be easy on yourself, sweetie. Hindsight can be invaluable for developing wisdom, but we also have to view the past with compassion and context. I'm sure you did what you felt you had to then. You're a good person, Susan. I'm sorry for your pain.
gg
Posted by susan47 on August 4, 2008, at 11:39:38
In reply to (((((((((Susan))))))))) » susan47, posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2008, at 13:58:07
When I didn't love myself I involved myself in risky behaviours. Risky behaviours turn into ruined lives, really fast.
I want all young people to really know that, to feel it in their hearts and to turn away from what will hurt them, damage them, make them even more unloving towards their world.
Susan, you are such a proselytizer. Hmh. You try, without knowing your own efforts, without having known yourself, you proselytized. Does this make you a bad person, or a person with opinions, experiences even though still quite ignorant of so very much in life, ignorant of certain darknesses of soul .. still aware though .. aware on a certain level ... I just wish we could all become love while we're alive.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Writing | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.