Posted by susan47 on April 7, 2008, at 13:11:43
Okay, all righty already. So it's no secret I have this Issue with you, imaginary though you are to me these days. Thank god for that, thank god for all the deeply sensual expressions you gave my voice to, damn you. F*ck you, for not listening or understanding, for judging, f*ck me for thinking this.
Well, out with it then.
All righty.
This is the thing.
So I'm showering in a drug-induced coma once again,
and as the heat rises, and as I realize I have a truly beautiful body after all, and as I touch myself with something a little like love,
for the first time in I can't remember when
If Ever.
And then my thoughts float back to my feelings about schizophrenia,
and I wonder if you truly think perhaps I am a schizophrenic.
And then I remember my feelings about society, about how all of human society is schizophrenic, and about how we have passed this disease onto the very planet itself, plants and animals are beginning to vibrate with the frequency, the self-annihilating frequency that we fight every day. Is this the talk of a diseased mind? You betcha, baby. And the secret is, to recognize the illness, quit fighting the disease, and just Let it F*ck*ng Be, damn it. Because repressing the ills of society only makes it stronger in myself. The illness, the disease has to be recognized, and lived with.
So, just a ramble to please my sick mind.
That's all.
Because I'm losing it, damn it, I'm losing all faith in myself, and I realize that truly I know nothing, and I'm standing here with my hands wide open, my heart as wide as the universe, to receive.
Love.
poster:susan47
thread:822047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/822047.html