Posted by susan47 on April 15, 2008, at 12:42:28
In reply to Re: Dear Ex-T, here I go again damn it. » Happyflower, posted by susan47 on April 13, 2008, at 0:55:45
....I could be completely schizo and out of it. Perhaps the world is healthy and sane, and I'm insane. I know I've felt insane. Trying to cover up feelings and deny myself all of It. The Living that I could have done, instead of all the dying inside, over and over and over again. I'm so sick of it.
I'm sick of denying things.
I'm sick of denying the anger and the rage at committing the murder of two innocent babies, two innocent little angel souls coming into life on this planet, and I denied them. Both. Because their fathers did not weant them, and so, consequently, I did not want them either, but the truth is I DID want those babies, I LOVED those babies from the moment they were conceived, I just didn't know how MUCH I LOVED THEM, I LOVED YOU. You darling little ones, I am so sad and so sorry I was accessory to what I did, which was make your murder possible.
And so the cells of my body live with the constant knowing of your pain, your anguish, your sorrow.
Please, please, please forgive me.
poster:susan47
thread:822047
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/823441.html