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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by susan47 on December 23, 2007, at 16:09:31
he was my "therapist" although I never knew where the therapy was, and I wanted him I loved watching his body, he has this lovely body and it moves so smoothly, so well organized is his brain. I loved that about him, he seemed to have a really orderly mind, in a way a turnoff too though .. and I was a turnoff to him in so many ways, but let's not talk about that right now, let's let it all hang out, Susan honey. You wanted to f*ck him; actually you wanted him to f*ck you. You wanted him to suck places and kiss them, smell places on your body, your skin, your hair and his too. You wanted so much to smell and feel and Take In all those places in his physical being that are precious, because they're part of Him. And you know that difference, you know what He and he and Him and him really mean. You know it's not physical, you know it's a peek at what a soul mate could feel like. Susan, you made him up out of your own psyche. He's CW, cw ... you can't even name him, because you might get caught, and his mind is so worldly and orderly and frightened, that Yes, you know what he might do. You know he can't be trusted, either IRL or psychically. He flounders as much as you do, and because of that, he gets help .. and he needs the Orderly kind of help. You know that. You know all of this. You need to be brutally honest, you need to know that he doesn't listen, he doesn't read, he does not understand because he gets impatient, and frightened, and unkind. Why? Susan, why do you see these things in him, about him? Is it because you feel that way about yourself, Susan? Is it because you don't like your own judgements about others, about yourself, about your life and your being-ness, all the things about the sadness and pain of history, and that of others, that you can't do anything about. You can't even help yourself. You try and you seem to succeed, and then it feels like failure. Because he moves on, Susan. He has a life, and it doesn't include you and you must understand that it can't, and it never will. No matter what you want. Susan, because you Want something, doesn't mean you will Have it.
Better to think about Nothing.
Don't think, Susan. Just please, please be happy. Please be satisfied with what you have, what I have. Please just live in the moment and try not to worry about the future. Please, Susan. Please.
Posted by susan47 on January 6, 2008, at 20:13:31
In reply to Brutally Honest, warning passion and desire, posted by susan47 on December 23, 2007, at 16:09:31
What have I learned, what am I learning, that I can be more than one person, I can be a lot of people and the past person I've been isn't the present person I am any more than the future person I will become, and maybe again I am all of those, better and better ... I want to be better, I want happiness more than anything. I know it's available, Available, only a thought away. There, not anywhere else but in my own head.
And his. Because we are all connected. But you cannot talk about that. You cannot talk and say things like, "we are all connected" because there are lots of laypeople who would disagree, there are lots of people who just run screaming for help from anywhere that's been a source of comfort in the past. Because making a new person, because changing, is dying too, and horribly, terribly frightening. Incredibly so. And most times, the new person emerging isn't visible yet, the new person has to forget all the atrocities and unkindnesses in her mind, of the past .. all the sad things she thought and all the ingratitudes she was capable of being. How life is such a gift, not to be played with and screwed up, but how she really did that, she did that willingly. Like the sheep to her slaughter she baa-ed, ahse baa-ed all the way, and all those things that were said were only monuments to the depth of unhappiness that can be experienced when one is massaging one's mind with bad-feeling thoughts, when one has been doing so for so many years it has become part of one's entire Being.
Sh*t.
Posted by susan47 on April 30, 2008, at 19:29:21
In reply to Re: Brutally Honest, warning passion and desire, posted by susan47 on January 6, 2008, at 20:13:31
of course you've scared everybody, of course the weight of your imagination has descended again, yet Again, once again you've spit out a bunch of words which had some feeling for you, carried something in one of your oh-stoned-oh yes it feels so good moments.
So now it is time to see what you have when you aren't stoned. It's time to just be. Time to feel the weight of your mind as it really is. The warm three-pound mass, is that what we really are? All the accoutrements it is attached to, the body parts and the feeling sense organs of skin, nose and mouth, eyes, ears, hair, bones and teeth ... bones and teeth .. barrels of bones and teeth.
This is the end of the thread.
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